Upperclassmen unfortunate enough to miss out on New Haven in the summertime (Zeta Psi six nights a week—be jealous) came back to a litany of changes. The loud, omnipresent, “chopped and screwed” versions of everyone’s favorite Harkness Tower tunes were replaced by the hit percussion group Bob the Builder and the Jackhammer 5. The University seemed to have finally decided to return to the drawing board on that whole architectural fiasco (otherwise known as Ezra Stiles College) with a new sinkhole demolition technique. But perhaps the most drastic change to the Yale landscape was the opening of a little white store on Broadway: American Apparel.
Upon speaking to other students about American Apparel, we quickly discerned that among Yalies the company has an upstanding reputation. Who doesn’t own at least one American Apparel V-neck, and who doesn’t need more glitter (skirts)? Moreover, in alignment with the general political disposition of many Yale students, the company parades extremely politically-conscious (i.e. liberal) slogans such as “Legalize Gay.” Nonetheless, the appearance of the store made us somewhat uneasy.
American Apparel’s ultimate effect on the Yale fashion climate has yet to be decided. However, we here at Herald A&E have decided to put some thought into the potential advantages—and disadvantages —of Broadway’s newest and second-most important franchise (after Broadway Liquor, of course):

1) The Full Visible Light Spectrum:
Given the general diversity among types of shoppers at any given store, we feel that the population of students at Yale will reflect that exact range. Small touches of basic color and basic silhouettes will likely become a more prevalent part of many students’ wardrobes. However, combinations of flashing bright colors, sparkles, skin, and stockings (in short, looks that suggest one got on the bad side of a three year old finger painter on an acid trip) will also make an appearance. We suspect that there will be very few parties at which one fails to see a combination of bright basics that screams American Apparel billboard.

2) Friendly Neighbors:
Now that Urban Outfitters finds itself next door to American Apparel, will one business suffer? We doubt it. Although both Urban and American Apparel cater to a similar aesthetic, they will simply act as positive reinforcements. Anyone who stops by Urban will HAVE to head next door. Meaning that it is completely possible to pick up a pithy graphic tee and floral kicks from Urban and match it with a pair of absurdly brilliant pants and a too-small hoodie at American Apparel. Should be awesome (i.e. hipster/only for kids cool enough to get into Modern Love, as was relayed to us by a less than friendly doorwoman last weekend.

3) Bright-hued Handbags:
Multicolored neon backpacks and childhood cartoon backpacks are making a return right now among the men of Yale, especially among athletic teams: We see you, Brook Hart. American Apparel has basics in pretty much every shade of color imaginable, so our teams will not only outplay our rivals but also outmatch and out-style them.

4) High Socks:
Really high, goofily striped athletic socks will come back into vogue. Think ’80s. Think Will Ferrell in Semi-Pro, except super-imposed onto girls. And guys, for that matter. You get brownie points if you throw on creeper aviators while making your hair and facial hair look like Ron Jeremy’s.

5) Captain Underpants Hits Yale:
Tap nights/spontaneous ’80s events now have the potential to become way more fashionable. Last year, we had the (not so) good fortune of seeing countless organizations, fraternities, and societies parading men around campus in boxers, Fruit of the Loom/Hanes briefs, and, in one particularly ghastly instance, leather open-butt chaps. This season’s underwear collection from American Apparel offers much more comfortable briefs as a more comfortable (and visually appealing) alternative option for these organizations. Moreover, the bright colors mean that you’ll certainly be able to stand out in the middle of the night. Lastly, apparently they shrink one size in the dryer, which is, well, rather flattering. Men, make sure to pre-wash. All beholders, you have been warned.

6) Bye, Bye Gender Norms:
The performative destruction of gender categories just made clubbing that much more awkward. American Apparel makes unisex fashionable. And sex fashionable. Be on the lookout for the pansensual revolution through basics. Awkward drunk grinding encounters are on the horizon at Toad’s, where couples are likely to be dressed in the same attire. Expect to hear a lot of townies replace spitting drunken guido game and unwelcome advances with the equivalent of, “Oh, sorry, BRAH! I didn’t know you were a dude!”
7) The End of the Avril Age:
Poor establishment Enclave, already dwarfed by Urban Outfitters and J. Crew, will likely see a lower proportion of the population wearing their skate/street clothing as American Apparel boosts the strength of the basic/alternative colorful aesthetic.

8) A Different Kind of Sweatshop:
The beautiful man to the left is Dov Charney, the CEO for American Apparel. Although he promotes the cause of illegal immigrants and fair labor, he has a penchant for making his employees sweat out of discomfort. In addition to producing clothing, his employees have produced countless sexual harassment lawsuits, with allegations that range from required staff meetings in the nude to masturbation in front of employees to the use of demeaning language against women.
In a more recent case, he allegedly sent out a staff email calling for group photos of employees at all retail locations that were underperforming in sales. He then proceeded to mock and insult the people he considered “detrimental to the AA aesthetic” (i.e. ugly). Acceptable? Probably not. But he’s quite a looker himself, isn’t he?

9) The Future(?) of Individualism:
What are the hipsters that prided themselves on being the only people to rock full out American Apparel going to do now that everyone has access to this store in New Haven? How will they maintain their independence without becoming whitewashed by the masses? We suspect that given the recent trends in indie fashion, things will have to change.
And by change, we mean go backwards, because the future is so yesterday. Perhaps rather than thick dark-rimmed glasses, the monocle will make a comeback? Victorian corsets for women? Or men? We’re pretty big fans of the caveman aesthetic. You can’t get any more independent than being a mean-looking kid with an animal skin slung over your back and a big brown club that screams, “I HATE COMMERCIALIZED MODERN SOCIETY LIKE NONE OTHER. AND I DARE YOU TO BE MORE INDIVIDUAL THAN ME.”

10) Self-loathing:
We’ve shopped at American Apparel.

In conclusion, American Apparel has made looking smugly well-dressed easier than ever for science majors. Blessing or curse? You decide.

By Tyler He