Dear Horatio Sanz,
I hope this letter finds you well. I’m writing to you because I miss you and because I want you back in my life.
What have you been doing since you were famous? Are you still funny? You didn’t have kids, did you? I hope not.
You should get your own TV show, or you could be in a movie with a more famous celebrity. I think it would be great if you played Santa Claus at some point. Whatever you do, promise I’ll laugh at all your jokes.
Let me know if there’s anything I can do to resurrect your career, or if you just need someone to talk to.
All the best,
Your guardian angel.