Two weeks ago, on my way home to Branford, I realized something. When I  finally got to the gate that protects the courtyard where I live, I noticed that I was able to pretty listlessly push it open without touching my ID to the thing. I thought this was strange, but I just and kept walking, only to discover that my entryway door was equally as broken — no ID touch required there either. And as my suite door is always left propped open, I had the realization that anyone could have literally been in my bedroom—like…anyone.

However, I’m not writing to argue that this was scary because New Haven is dangerous and I’m afraid of it. The case of the broken gates and swipe-door shows that Branford, Yale’s signature college, needs a BAILOUT. AND WE NEED IT NOW.

Branford needs a bailout because two days ago, the toaster oven was completely broken (pictured above). Branford needs a bailout because its Residential College basement is by far the lowest quality residential college basement. Branford needs a bailout because my suite has cold spots from the ghosts of the Class of  ’43 who dwell in it. Branford needs a bailout because everything in the dining hall feels like it was just dipped in a vat of maple syrup.

Branford is Yale’s oldest, most picturesque, and signature college. I love it. The people are great. Bail us out.