Yesterday, in an an emailed Message from Chief Ronnell A. Higgins, we learned that Thanksgiving recess does not mean a break from the unbelievable reality that is campus crime. Higgins wrote, “A graduate student was walking when she was robbed by six teenaged females, some of whom punched her as they stole her wallet.” Sorry, what? And according to the Google Maps pin that he so helpfully dropped for us (see above), this took place right outside Pierson. Definitely too close for comfort.

Good thing the ever-helpful YaleCampus YouTube videos have a (kind of) solution for those particularly anxious about the very real possibility of getting assaulted by gangs of high school girls. Meet Bulldog Mobile.

Our reactions, in no particular order:

  • The background music.
  • Whenever Chief Higgins speaks in the second person, we feel like he’s really talking to us and us alone. Very effective.
  • This girl is talking in Sterling at full volume. We cannot pull that off. What makes her special?
  • We’re calling it right now: Bulldog Mobile profiles are probably the new Facebook.
  • “Bulldog Mobile is NOT a smartphone application” — this is a little disappointing, would have looked real nice and official next to our Snapchat.
  • When Chief Ronnell urges us, “Don’t ever feel bad about calling the Yale Police,” how seriously are we supposed to take him? This girl is calling in the middle of the day about a walk from Sterling to TD. Honestly, we’d feel a little guilty.
  • We are usually pretty into bulldogs, but the one at the end is kind of disturbing-looking.
  • Yeah, this video was “published” on the YaleCampus YouTube account on Nov. 19, but apparently the “the newest campus security service from the Yale Police Department” (according to the video description) isn’t as new as they want you to think. The same exact video was “Uploaded by  on Aug 25, 2011.” Maybe there is some published/uploaded distinction that we do not totally understand, but to us it feels sneaky.