Beta

BREAKING: Russian Lady gets food menu

kk w/e russia hop off

Hammers and sickles and fried pickles! (Credit: The Russian Lady New Haven)

Just when you thought the Wall was torn down at Box 63, the New Haven bar scene’s Cold War is heating up. Mere days after the Ukraine conceded the Crimean peninsula to Russia, sources confirmed that The Russian Lady released what John L. Gaddis (the L stands for “Ladies Love”) is calling this millennium’s Long Telegram: a food menu.

Consulates and embassies and the like are for NYC and DC and “real cities” (read: lame cities) like that. Here in the Elm City, we’ve got the Russian Lady as a bastion of Cyrillic culture and the official diplomatic arm of the Kremlin. But this time, the Russians are feeding us: the menu is a Russian-word-for-the-English-word-for-smorgasbord of fare that even your Babushka would love. “The Lady Salad,” the “Miracle Burger,” and “Buffalo Chicken Quesadilla” are the Big Three of any authentically Eastern Bloc meal. Does the “Fish and Chips” come with Tatar sauce? Do you hear the stomachs of a million peasants? Nope, not anymore.

Tension in the Crimean region will undoubtedly be soothed after Putin and whoever leads the Ukraine now chat over some potato skins at the Temple Street fixture. Grand Strategy: this is your time to shine! Or, if you’re turning 21 soon, have your party here and all of the food will keep your friends on the brink of blackout.

Détente!