BREAKING: Theta Reveals Mysteries of Baby Making

I hardly know her!

As your Official Greek Life Correspondent, it is my job to update you on the happenings on High St, Crown St, Whalley Ave, and Lake Place. (Does anyone know where Sig Chi is?) For those of you who don’t know, Theta, Pi Phi, and Kappa birthed their babies (ugh stretch marks) last night. In the biz, we call it Bid Day, but sometimes when I’m really excited I say it so fast that it comes out as “biddies”. Despite rumors of me being Pi Phi dirty rushed, I wasn’t invited to the Bid Day festivities. The only reason I know it even happened is that all my girlfriends have 47 new Facebook friends and I don’t have any. The only other evidence (besides the Facebook photos, status changes, and Instas) is The Bling Ring Trailer, I mean Theta welcome video. No song simultaneously screams kleptomania and posing for pics with an index finger across the mouth like “Crown on the Ground”. Theta is just like basically is kinda like almost is but basically is literally The Bling Ring, but in New Haven. Theta 2017, welcome to the club! Get excited for Tacky Prom and… Is it too early to #TBT Theta Block Party?

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