DISCLAIMER: The Bullblog often publishes FAKE NEWS. This is real.
Times are tough, and in tough times, it is the responsibility of Yalies like us, who represent our country’s brightest possible future, to put our capacious minds to work on some of the important issues we all face. We must work to ensure a better future, not just for ourselves, but for those who will come after us. We must protect each other at a time when the very bedrock of our institutions has been called into question. To that end, a group of 12 concerned and dedicated seniors of European descent have begun organizing to restore Box 63, American Bar & Grill, located on the corner of Elm and Park Streets, to its former glory.
The Box problem is simple to describe if not to remedy. As the “Box 63 Panel” memorandum obtained by the Bullblog reads, the bar “now consistently attracts a large crowd that has grown to include hundreds of local residents and students from surrounding areas.… In short,” the memo continues, “Yale students can no longer expect to head to Box on Friday and Saturday nights to hang out with other Yale students.”
In my three and a half years at Yale, I personally haven’t spent much time at Box, being neither a tall gentleman-athlete nor the object of tall gentlemen-athletes’ desire. But as suggested by the Panel’s 391-word PDF memo, the flood of students who come from outside New Haven’s borders to steal our spots at the bar represents an infringement on our inalienable rights. Their flagrant actions are matched by the individuals congesting the entrance line, who may have been born in New Haven but don’t look quite like us Yalies.
Perhaps inspired by Instagrams from the recent Women’s March, these bold srat sisters and perturbed bros have put their newfound political voices to use and scheduled a meeting this week with Box owner Carl Carbone, in which they will propose policy to make Box great again. One idea is a Box membership—free for Yale students, perhaps $50 for others—which would create an expedited entry line. Essentially, a tariff would be levied for outsiders who wish to gain quick entry. A simpler and perhaps more elegant solution suggested in the memo is Yale-only nights, which would periodically restrict travel to and from Box for those outside the University community. Through these thoughtful means, the panel hopes to restore Box to “the relatively low-profile Yale bar that it once was.”
We at the Bullblog salute the tireless work of these Yalies and wish them all the best in their upcoming meeting. We support them in their fight to take back our campus institutions from those who would dismantle them. They have taken time out of their busy social and athletic calendars, coming up with solutions so that we can start winning again here at home. That is until May, when home becomes New York, which will be dope because honestly New Haven’s kind of sketch.