When our parents’ generation applied to the Ivy League schools, they didn’t have it so rough: they didn’t have to study for their SATs, have internships at the age of 14, or raise money for the less fortunate… and being a legacy almost always guaranteed you a spot. Our generation has had it much rougher: with a 7.35% admissions rate, members of the future class of 2015 had to prove themselves by editing their high school newspaper, being the best sports, traveling to Africa and taking pictures of themselves with poor children, having perfect SAT, ACT, and SAT subject test scores, and writing convincing, enlightening, and brilliant essays about why they would choose Yale (no small feat, to say the least). Our children’s generation is going to have it even tougher: the Ivy League competition now starts in the womb.

Just this year , a mom sued her child’s preschool for not adequately preparing her daughter for the Ivy League. And according to Dr. Randi Hutter Epstein, author of Get Me Out of Here: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Spermbank, people are using fertility treatments to create the most Ivy League worthy children possible. She’s illustrated the most important facts in an easy-to-follow slideshow on CBS.

According to Hutter Epstein, sperm donors are evaluated on personality, looks, height (most have to be over 6 feet, but if you’re Italian and short it might be okay), and sperm quality. Men have to have great personalities, impressive college degrees (being an Ivy Leaguer doesn’t hurt), and good looks to make the cut. One spermbank accepts only about 1% of 18,000 applicants… and we thought getting into Yale was hard.

So you thought your child would have an easier time getting into Yale because they’ll have an alum parent? Think again. They’ll be competing with perfectly created Ivy League masterpieces of height, intelligence, personality, and looks. Start donating to Yale now if you want your unborn child to stand a chance.