Harvard insults: decoded

I don’t want any Yalies to be caught off guard at The Game when we inevitably start chirping with our Crimson counterparts.

Here are some things you might hear, in the Cambridge vernacular, and their translations into contemporary English. They may not sound like insults, but they’re full of malice toward all.


“Shakespeare called, he wants iambic pentameter back.”

     This is Harvard for, “you smell like ass.”

“Try MIT, they might have it in your size.”

     Translation: “you have a small penis.”

“Go back to Webster House, sir”

     Translation: “eat shit, donkey fuck.”

“Is that the Charles River, or are you just happy to see me?”

     Translation: “you have an asshole where your mouth should be.”

“Harvard, established 1636.”

     Translation: “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.”

“Very, Ve Ri Tas.”

     Translation: “My sweater is worth more than your life.”

“Call me maybe.”

     Translation: “I have a gun in my back pocket.”

“You should Google that.”

     Translation: “you’re a peasant.”

“Friend me when you get home.”

     Translation: “I’ve personally met Zuckerberg.”

“We accept transfer students.”

     Translation: “just kidding.”

“I’ll have a Coke Zero, no ice.”

     Translation: “you’re a bitch, fatboy.”

“Nice meeting you.”

     Translation: “I’m having you deported.”

“Let’s go Harvard!”

     Translation: “I’ve met turds smarter than you.”


Keep your friends close and keep your enemies in Cambridge.

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