Here at the Bullblog we know what’s really important over the holidays (in order of importance): 1. Sleep 2. Putting rum in everything and 3. Getting more presents than your suitemates. To make sure you achieve the last goal we’ve put together an easy guide which we recommend you study before heading home.
1. Make sure your parents know what a tough time you had over finals period, but also don’t make it seem like you aren’t totally WINNING college. A good sentence to use would be: “Ya, I mean my last paper pretty much killed me. It was really tough because I just really needed more space than 45 pages on “‘She’ll Never Tell Us’: the epistemological and social consequences of silence in the novels of Henry James””
2. Give your parents some presents: A’s! And then cut out every article you’ve written, every article about the plays you were in, and any article you were quoted in and compile it into a scrapbook with pictures of you studying in “The most beautiful libraries in the whole wide world” with captions like: “Saturday night with the guys: Aristotle, Kant, and Nietzsche!”
3. Don’t forget to thank your parents daily (the more the better!) for sending you to Yale. “I just, I can’t even tell you how enlightened I feel, mommy!”
4. …But don’t forget to remind them how much you miss them every single day. “Mom, I tried the butternut squash soup in the dining hall but it didn’t taste anywhere near as good as yours. It just didn’t have that magic touch!”
5. Play nice! To your siblings, that is. Make sure you show how much you care, especially when mom and dad are around. It may even be a good idea to start giving them some of your text books and having them come to “Yale” where you will teach them the ways of the world. “Let” them have your lecture notes from Southern African History and give them the paper assignments and lead discussions with them about “Menstruation and the subordination of women: gender roles and avoidances in pre-colonial Zulu society.”
6. Call them as many times as possible (I can’t stress the importance of this one enough) over finals period telling them how excited you are to see them “Only 84 more hours, daddy! Can you put the dog on the phone? I want to make sure she remembers my voice when she sees me.”
There you have it folks! Happy rest of your studying and don’t forget to call as you get on the plane: “every step I take I’m getting closer to you!”.