Beta

How was your Thanksgiving?

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This question is cruising for a bruising.

Everyone does the exact same thing. So, everyone should know that everyone else’s Thanksgiving was fine.

“Ate a little too much stuffing, ha ha.” Is that what you want from me? You want me to tell you that I too ate a bit more than usual on a day devoted to feasting?

“It was nice seeing my family.” Is that what you need to hear? You wanted to make sure that all was well in the Schlossberg household? Are you worried about me? I’m doing fine… I mean maybe I should call my parents more, but it’s fine I swear.

“I just slept, man.” Happy? Are you happy you worthless sack of garbage? Did you want to make sure I was well rested going into finals? Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot.

“Caught up on my TV shows and watched football.” Can you finally rest easy knowing that I sat on my couch for a few days got really into Key & Peele? Do you want to talk about football rivalries? Go Jets! Just kidding I don’t care. Do you want to borrow my Homeland DVD? If you do, just ask me…

I guarantee that’s what your friends told you when you asked, so stop asking plz and ty.