In this paper I will argue that Bass Café is the best place for a blowout twenty-first birthday party. After a brief discussion of the evidence supporting my thesis, I will draw a vague and irrelevant conclusion about the future of humanity, namely that there may not be one if people continue to go there.
Throughout history, Bass Café has gone by several names: “Thain Family Café” (its given name), “The BAFé”, “Hell on Earth”, and “The Café Who Lived (Through the Cookie Stampede)”. But true beauty is on the inside, and the interior of Bass Café is the ultimate place to see and be seen on this campus. From the perspective of the party guest, your party begins when they descend the staircase into the subterranean hotspot (#underground #trendy) that is Bass Café. Two entrances lend this venue an air of double-mystery and double-fun. The area just outside either entrance provides a spot for smokers; it’s also convenient for the phone. The chic European crowd will love it out there.
Now let me proceed to my discussion of the Café itself. (For a virtual tour, click here). Check your coats near the vending machines, and get an overpriced Mountain Dew while you’re at it. Those two island tables in the middle are perfect for an open bar. Cocktail tables on the side serve as schmooze-central. Leather armchairs suggest a classy atmosphere. The security guards checking bags at the door will leave your guests with a lovely final impression as they remind party-goers to “have a good night!”
Bass Café’s detractors will argue that it is a sub-optimal venue for your twenty-first birthday bash or any bash whatsoever. These arguments are demonstrably shortsighted. Critics suggest venues such as The Lily’s Pad at Toad’s Place at Yale, others will urge you to explore Elevate/Alchemy (Whose line is it anyway?). These objections, of course, do not hold weight upon a closer examination of the many amenities offered by Bass Café. Ultimately, the future of Bass Café remains unclear, but I personally hope someone throws a party there soon.