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Resolved: There is a conspiracy to take over Yale University by Stanford alumni

This is a literal episode from "Ancient Aliens" (courtesy History Channel)

This is a literal episode from "Ancient Aliens" (courtesy History Channel)

Hear me out.

At 5:15 p.m. today, April 24, 2014, the new Master of Calhoun College will be announced according to an email sent to Calhoun students. Now, I don’t know what the usual protocol is, but President Salovey and Dean Mary Miller will be there, and that seems normal. But with Dean Miller leaving her post at the end of the year, just like Master Jonathan Holloway, there will be a warmed seat in SSS waiting to be filled. Something tells me that this will be a double-whammy of announcements, like when I immediately announced forgoing Spring Fling to study when I heard Ja Rule was performing.

I’m officially putting Jonathan Holloway as the winner of my Dean of Yale College bracket. But this is part of a larger scheme that mirrors a House-of-Cards style takeover: he’s in it to be president one day.

Richard Levin, GRD ’74, graduated from Stanford in 1968. His successor, Peter Salovey, GRD ’86, graduated from Stanford in 1980. Jonathan Holloway, GRD ’95, graduated from Stanford in 1989. Are you seeing a pattern yet? This is some real Da Vinci Code stuff.

Start placing your bets. But also start thinking of funny things to put on Venmo for when you owe me.