Shopping for Friends


It could be that you realized over the long summer that you don’t like your “friends” anymore. It could be that they just latched onto you at one point during lunch in Commons and never let go.  Even I still have some kid hiding from his DS professors living under my bed.  Whatever the case, you probably have “friends” here at Yale (most likely breathing over your shoulder as you read this) that you would prefer to be more like “acquaintances” with.

I have put together a list of possible tactics to help any student save face while shopping for other friends.  After all you don’t want to be the person who just tells someone point blank that you don’t like them.

1) Tell them that you’re allergic to their shampoo.

This doesn’t really mean anything but trust me, they will apologize and go on their merry way.

2) Tell them that you’re transferring universities, but actually just switch into TD (they’ll never find you).

You could also just tell them that you’re transferring to TD and they will drop you faster than you can say TDheav.

3) Rush an a cappella group and invite them to all of your shows.

I’ve felt the sweet burn of tactic #3 first hand.

If all else fails…

4) Tell them point blank that you don’t like them.

What are they gonna do? Say no?

Don’t feel bad about trying to meet new people, kids, everyone deserves a shopping period for friends.

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