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Top 5 things to wish for on 11/11

5. Wish to get your a cappella version of Darude’s “Sandstorm” on the Ivy League Snapchat Story
4. Wish to be removed from that historical reenactment panlist someone signed you up for
3. Wish for the fiery annihilation of that professor who advances the slides too fast in lecture
2. Wish for an end to the unintended consequences of last year’s 11/11 wish (turns out, you can have too much pizza)
1. Wish you hadn’t spent your last five dollars on Woads

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