Before fall break, we all had our goals of how much we could accomplish in the days free. We charted the amount of reading we would catch up on, planned how far ahead we would get in our problem sets, and even considered starting that essay a whole week early. But, before we knew it, the break was over and all we had done was binge watch “Orange is the New Black” for five days straight. While “unproductivity” is, in itself, an objectively bad thing, it is the “mutual” part that makes this phenomenon credit-worthy. There is nothing quite like the bond that is formed between two people exchanging war-stories of how little they got done—it’s frankly thrilling. Hearing classmates say that they, too, regret doing nothing makes me feel just the slightest bit less alone. It’s like AA for Type-As. There is the old saying that misery loves company. The same rule applies with unproductivity.
D: Wrought iron gates
Don’t get me wrong—the wrought iron gates sprinkled around campuses are pieces of art. Have you ever stopped to look at the gate outside the Trumbull Master’s House? With its oxidized metal and ornamental flourishes, it’s pretty fucking dope. But there is an issue that these gates present: they’re heavy. And hard to open. And, at this time of year, pretty cold. I often find myself having to wedge my entire body to leverage enough strength to just pass through (the same applies to the doors in Commons). It’s the worst to hear people behind me snickering as I pull with BOTH of my chicken arms—so, no, I am not going to hold this gate open for them now. They can struggle with the masterpiece themselves.
Fail: Selfies with celebrities
Yalies have a fetish for “selfies” with famous people. Yes, a downright fetish for snapping pics arm-extended and duck-faced with whichever celebrity happens to be visiting campus. Whenever acclaimed visitors come to Yale, the first thing that enters our collective mind is often, “Will Herman Cain be down to be in my Instagram #SelfieSunday?” Formal photo-ops are so passé nowadays, so we fight and claw for a hot moment to get a camera-phone quality picture. Having a “selfie” changes the entire dynamic of a given picture. It makes the interaction seem casual, like Hillary Clinton is just another betch that I sometimes Snapchat. But Hillary Clinton (or Stephen Colbert, or Jake and Amir, or even Ted effing Conover for that matter) deserve more than a picture taken at an arms length. Our obsession has reached such a low that we not only upload photos of our own “selfies,” but we also post photos of students as they take their own photos. That’s not Meta—it’s just lame. The time has come to flip those cameras around and start acting rational again. We aren’t middle schoolers on MySpace anymore.