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CREDIT/D/FAIL: Week of February 22, 2013

CREDIT: “No Shame” Wednesday

It’s like a plain Wednesday, but one where you just don’t feel any shame. It’s not yet a campus-wide ritual—pretty much just one friend and I commit fully to shamelessness each hump day—but I’m sure it’s about to catch on. Toad’s, of course, is here to facilitate.

Same friend originally started with this thing called “No Technology” Tuesday. It’s like a plain Tuesday, but one where you just don’t use any technology. It turns out that didn’t take off because while she might have been living the luddite dream, the rest of the world was left to frantically gchat each other about her whereabouts. Plus, sorry, but we still love Snapchat. We love Snapchat everyday.

“No Shame” Wednesday, however, is an institution from which everyone benefits. I, for one, have already sung in front of the entire Branford dining hall, called my “Genes & the Environment” professor “mom,” and gone to GHeav in my long underwear after a climbing trip without an ounce of shame. The last one actually happened on a Sunday, but that’s part of the vision of “No Shame” Wednesday—that everyday could, someday, be a “No Shame “Wednesday. Don’t think it’s possible? See Cee Lo Green, Honey Boo Boo, and the family that just named their baby “Hashtag.” The dream, my friends, is yet alive.

D: Credit card minimums

So, I feel a social responsibility to feign disgust when you wait for me to take a bite out of my fiercely mediocre chocolate chip cookie, and then say, “You’re not going to make the minimum.” As if the minimum is some kind of Divine law—like if I had spent a little more time in Sunday school I would have seen it sandwiched right between “Thou shall not murder” and “Thou shall not commit adultery.” “You shall not charge less than five dollars at Booktrader, even though it’s 2013, you only want a goddamn cookie, and you never carry cash because you hate the way it smells and are afraid of paper cuts.” Booktrader—you invented that minimum. God invented everything else. It’s pretty simple science.

As for Koffee?, you also can’t trick me—I know that when you offer to “give me a gift card” for the rest of the $10 I didn’t spend on my tea, that doesn’t make it not-money. It makes it my money, just on a gift card. I took micro-econ freshman year, so kindly back the eff down. But, all of this considered, the good thing about the credit card minimum is, well, more treats. If I am forced, I will delight in that extra lemon square or magic bar from your scary plastic case. Also, this April 12, 2009, a New York Times article titled “It’s Hip to be Round” that I keep bookmarked said men with potbellies are/were in fashion. So, a reluctant thanks, minimums, for helping me with the look.

FAIL: Class on Saturdays 

In an email last Friday, DMM told us that the registrar’s office would make classrooms available to professors on Sat., Feb. 23 and Sat., Mar. 2. We were told that our professors could choose “whether they wish to follow this schedule or make some other arrangements.” This could be translated as: “whether they wish to roll in a giant pile of ‘well they were cool until Saturday class bullshit’ evals at the end of the semester.” Look, maybe I’m being overdramatic—lol, no. People like to go out on Friday and professors are people, too. (Also, Sat., Mar. 2 is my birthday. I’ll be 21 and in New York. TRY to get me into a seminar room. I mean, physically, I just don’t think it would be possible.)

Also (unrelated): thumb rings. Take yours off. Are you tryina look like a warlock prince? I don’t like it.