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Top 5 Ways to score the apartment of your dreams

5. Dress sophisticated AF to the tours. Hold coffee. Preferably Starbucks.

4. Dress slooty AF to the tours. Hold hard cash. Preferably Benjamins.

3. Agress the landlords. Fax and/or call them at home. Leave a message with the family, if possible.

2. Find out everyone else who’s vying for the apartment you want. Cyberbully them, because everyone loves a ruthless schemer.

1. Build a sustainable glass house in the center of the Green, because that’s so innovative, they can’t tear it down. Occupy New Haven.