Three seniors sit at a table in Rubamba.
Senior 1: That last guy wasn’t really…
Senior 2: …society material.
Senior 3: Agreed.
2: Oh, look! It’s just about the time that there’ll be another person outside wanting to answer our questions. Do you want to go and get them?
1: Nose goes!
They laugh. “Nose goes” is a society thing. 3 loses the “nose goes” but is uncomfortable about losing and is the kind of person who would complain about it and so 2 goes.
1 and 3 wait in silence. It isn’t awkward because they are in society together. 1 imagines something but then stops imagining it. 3 knows the thing 1 imagined because it was in 1’s bio, and what 1 imagined was [REDACTED] (I’m sorry, not even this transcript can penetrate that promise of secrecy).
2 re-enters with Junior.
2: Welcome to the interview.
Junior: Haha, thank you. I feel welcome.
1: Good, we want you to feel at ease, because we are very chill people, but we also want you to know that we will judge your character based on this contrived 15-minute interaction, so feel at ease as you can knowing that.
J: Don’t worry. My Yale experience has trained me for this exact kind of interaction.
2: Let’s get right into it. What is your name and what are your extracurriculars and interests?
J: My name is Junior. My extracurriculars have fun acronyms and are very recognizable. In fact, Senior 4 (who is in this society) is in my extracurriculars. Here’s an inside joke about this person to show that I am in the “in” group. My extracurriculars take up a large amount of time, which is great because unstructured time is scary. I’m partly here so that I can structure 12 hours a week next year once I abdicate my extracurricular leadership role, which is so vague that there could be anywhere between 1 to 4 people who hold similar roles in my group, so you don’t know exactly how successful I am. In terms of interests, I am interested in vulnerability and I am being vulnerable telling you that vulnerability is important to me.
1: Here’s a statement meant to show that I identify with you, but because we don’t know each other, might seem threatening. Now, I am going to make a big show of switching to the fun questions. First fun question: What’s your “fun fact”?
J: Oh I’m totally unprepared for this. Which carefully manicured story should I choose to demonstrate my uniqueness and chillness simultaneously? I’ll tell the one that’s vaguely sexual and borderline sociopathic, but I’ll also tie it to my academic interests.
3: That’s great! Last question: why do YOU want to do society?
J: Well, I- I mean I just really feel like it’d be fun to get to know new people in my senior year.
1 spits out their Tequila Sunrise all over the table.
1: That’s the best answer to that question we’ve ever heard!!!
2: You are SOCIETY material!
1 + 2 + 3: So-ciety, So-ciety ,So-ciety!
J: Wait so I’m in?
1 + 2 + 3 laugh. They keep looking at each others eyes to see if it’s okay to stop laughing. It isn’t. It’s a society thing.
1: No, no, no. We’ll invite you to a second round interview, and you’ll think that it went really well, and it will have, but we will pick someone else who does the same extracurriculars as you, but better. But you should absolutely NOT take this personally. We are judging you solely on your character, but don’t let that make you think we are judging you.
3: Sorry – you have to leave now. We have someone waiting outside.