“What can I get for this chicken?”

GERALD: Hey guys, it’s Gerald again, welcome back to “What Can I Get for this Chicken?” I’m looking to trade up to, uh, a Mini-Cooper or something of that variety, but we’ll see what we can get. Alright, first caller.

MARNEY: Hi, I’m Marney, the mother of two beautiful children. I have a nice Britta water filter that I’m looking to trade for your chicken.

GERALD: Alright. Done. Traded. I got a Britta water filter now. Anyone else, any callers, anybody? Okay, okay, we got a caller over here.

LOU: Hello, this is Lou, and I have a wilting ficus in the back of my yard, and, uh, I was looking for that Britta water filter.

GERALD: Okay, yeah, ficus for water filter that’s good. Alright, I got a ficus, I’m trying to look for a Mini-Cooper. Mini-Cooper, folks.

CONNOR: Hi, I’m Connor, yeah I have Black Ops 3? You want Black Ops 3 for PS2? You want Black Ops 3 for PS2? If you have Halo that would be sick, though. We could switch.

GERALD: Alright, you’re gonna get a ficus kid. You’re gonna get a wilting ficus, I’ll take your Black Ops 3.

CONNOR: (In the background) No! I don’t want a ficus!

GERALD: Alright, alright, anymore callers?

CONNOR: (In the background) Protests.

GERALD: I need to get this—okay we’re cutting you off. Okay we cut him off, it’s good, I love this technology. We got a fourth caller. I just hope to get a Mini-Cooper.

STEVE: Hello, I’m Steve, I have a Mini-Cooper that’s just sitting in my garage, if you want it, it’s yours.

GERALD: What, you don’t even want—I have Black Ops 3 for PS2 do you want that?


GERALD: Alright, great, I got a Mini-Cooper, that was the most successful show I’ve ever had. In 365 shows I’ve only gotten a handful of dirt. Thanks so much, bye.

See The Good Riddance 2016 Show at 8 p.m. on Sat, Dec. 3, in JE.

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