BETA

Séance bucket list

Graphic by Joseph Valdez

Face it: you’re goth. And you go to Yale. And today’s the day you want to communicate with the dead in a Victorian-style séance, but you’re stymied by one big looming question: where should I do it? A good séance can be spooky and exciting, so you don’t want to miss out. There are lots of creepy places around this prestigious campus! Let’s have a look at the Herald’s top picks:

The Grove Street Cemetery:

This one’s a no-brainer—“The Dead Shall Be Raised” is written at the entrance. And that’s no joke—this place serves some serious Welcome-to-the-Black-Parade vibes. If you bring a Ouija board, you might even get some genuine supernatural communication. One time I went to the Grove Street Cemetery, Ouija board in tow, and within minutes I heard a whisper in the wind: Please leave the cemetery, sir. Of course, I left.

Waiting for the restroom buzzer at Popeye’s:

Ever gone to Popeye’s? Ever gone to Popeye’s and had to wait for the workers to buzz you into the restroom? If so, you know this is the perfect opportunity to pull out your artisanal galaxy tapestry, courtesy of Amazon.com, and your incense and candles, courtesy of Group W Bench, and get to summoning. Not only is the wait time for the buzzer the perfect amount of time for you to make contact, but the sharp, alarming sound will be powerful enough to draw you back from frolicking in the astral universe with the spirit of Vincent Price to that weird little quasi-hall outside of the Popeye’s restroom. Also, after the restroom, you will be able to replenish your expended energy and balance your chakras with some delicious chicken and fries. Don’t forget to use that exclusive Yale student discount!

In the Urban Outfitters dressing room:

There’s lots of cool stuff you can buy in the Urban Outfitters on Broadway: they have socks with little weed shapes on them, they have two of Lana Del Rey’s three albums on vinyl, and they have those Fjallraven backpacks.  But the best part of Urban Outfitters is their dressing room and, specifically, its prospects for a good séance.  The lighting is not particularly bright.  And of course there are some very chill ghosts in the Urban Outfitters dressing room—one even taught me how to play hacky sack.

In the new Center for Teaching and Learning™

As you surely know if you are one of the cool folk on campus, the new Center for Teaching and Learning™ is the spot. Not only is this place furnished with outlets and comfy chairs, but I really jibe with those luxurious study rooms (“Bass who?” amiright?). Imagine how much respect the dead will have for you when you share with them the magnificence of the new Center for Teaching and Learning™. Also, bringing ghosts into this currently ghost-free space would make you super powerful and respected in the Yale ghost community, and who doesn’t want that? Make sure to check out the new Center for Teaching and Learning™! You can drop in and see a writing tutor without an appointment!

At a YPU debate: 

Listen: I don’t know much about politics. But if you’re talking seances? Love them. And there’s hardly a better place to hold a seance than a YPU debate. Ghosts have two favorite sounds: banging and hissing. So naturally they are drawn to YPU debates. Although I don’t usually understand the intricacies of the YPU’s passionate discourse, I often attend their events with my Victorian memento mori hair-lace necklace and my hand-dipped whale-fat candle. Resolved: Ghosts are people too!

With Jojo:

As most of you know, singer/songwriter Jojo will perform at this year’s Spring Fling. She hasn’t yet answered my DMs in regards to her potential interest in performing a séance, but I have a feeling she could be really bring something to the table.

Leave a Reply