In Intramurals, everybody is welcome. It’s not uncommon to see a team composed of Yale’s quirky distribution of majors: Poli Sci, History, MDCB, and of course, the cute little freshmen that still think they’re going to be pre-med.

The best thing about IMs is, not only are these people welcome, but they also make a critical difference. One of my best blockers is a Theater Studies major. My QB is Political Science, and one of my best kickers is an Electrical Engineering major. This got me thinking, what other majors would be helpful on the IM fields?

Accounting

Somebody’s gotta keep score. Not only that, I would love if someone kept track of my sacks. I’m nice. I’m like the Brandon Spikes of Yale intramurals—without all the eye-gouging. I’m on both sides of the football too. I have rushing touchdowns like Tim Tebow, and hands like—well, my hands aren’t that good. Anyway, back to the Accounting majors. Accounting majors are also looking forward to a career in doing very repetitive monotonous tasks at the hand of middle management. Apart from the fact that the major doesn’t exist at Yale, they’d be perfect at running routes—which is a very hard thing to get an intramural athlete to do.

Pre-Med

I’m well aware that Pre-Med is not a major at Yale, but this isn’t the Blue Book; it’s an intramural article, cut me some slack. There are some pretty grizzly injuries out there—broken bones, dislocated fingers, pulled hamstrings, skinned knees—and we don’t have the benefit of true medical services. You know how all your friends think that since you’re pre-med, you can fix all of their ailments—even though you haven’t been to med school? This is just like that. Except the person who needs help needs more than a band-aid. Often, they need trained medical attention. You’ll do though.

Economics

Any intramural secretary will tell you that half the battle is getting people out. However, the most important person is the one between a forfeit and a game. That dark horse who strides off the bus, flips her hair, and says “I want to take some D[efense].” An econ major could tell me what the marginal utility of each intramural player is. With that information, I could totally make my supply match my demand. (I think.) In addition, we could figure out all sorts of fun statistics and probabilities with the Accounting guy.

Political Science

With our fantastic ability to bullshit through section and make an airtight argument out of nothing, there’s no better teammate to have on the field. Poli Sci majors will argue that the shirt does not, in fact, count as a tag, and will then proceed to debate what the word “tag” means as described by the rules. Being that most refs don’t care that much anyway, conviction in your voice is sure to be enough to change their mind. Besides, most of the refs are Poli Sci majors too, so you can just talk about that funny thing that happened in section while your receivers bobble the ball and feign a catch.

Foreign Language

Have you ever heard an audible in Arabic? Taken a free kick will giving instructions in Tamil? Slammed the ball down after a Spanish imperative? Learning how to communicate as a team without using English is the trickiest play in the book. When the other team has no idea what you’re talking about, you’ve got the upper hand. Be careful though: we all have a language requirement to fulfill.

Art

The lines on the field are art right? A straight white line is a perfect mix of function and form. Tell me how it speaks to the human condition. More importantly, don’t step out of it. On top of that, someone has to design the college intramural shirts, a major undertaking that doesn’t get much attention. We won’t pay you to make cool shirts, but we will be eternally grateful.