IM Roundup

Ezra Stiles

Rain, rain, go away,

so that we can run and play!

Spring is not yet here to stay

so instead we’ll drink our whey.

(A strong moose needs fives cups a day

try and stack that on YOUR tray!)


In the midst of this delay

stuck with writing some essay.

All that’s left is to betray-

to venture in the wet and grey!

Only then we’ll shout “hooray,”

and everything will be okay.


(Compiled by your little sister still in elementary school. She’s smart enough to write this poem and to know to support the moose.)



As Gene Kelly once sang, “I’m singing in the rain/Just singing in the rain/What a glorious feelin’/I’m happy again/I’m laughing at clouds/So dark up above/The sun’s in my heart/And I’m ready for love/Let the stormy clouds chase/Everyone from the place/Come on with the rain/I’ve a smile on my face/I walk down the lane/With a happy refrain/Just singin’/Singin’ in the rain.”

That is what every single Pierson IM player would sing out on the fields if the other teams were game enough to play in this drizzle. Monsoons in New Haven don’t exist because Mother Nature wants to water her plants. Monsoons exist because Pierson made Mother Nature cry for mercy after a game of dodgeball. And she just kept crying. Don’t worry, PIMPs threatened to throw her back on the streets if she couldn’t man up, so you’ll be able to see little miss sunshine strutting through the sky once again.

Before Pierson brought Mother Nature to her knees though, PIMP soccer dominated JE under the leadership of captain Kevin Hoffman, ’12, and PIMP dodgeball creamed TD.


(Compiled by Justin Bieber and Ludacris)



This week’s Saybrook IMs mailbag:

“The Hudak points system seemed to be an absolute failure. Once again, Saybrook dominated mens sports but Leslie Golden, ’10, was the only girl to show up. Better or worse idea than paying Jerome James 30 million dollars to play for the Knicks?

—John E., New York, NY

SG: Smiling.

”Casey Blue James, ’12, failed to move either the bat or any part of her body in a strikeout looking in softball last Friday. Were Art Shell and Jim Caldwell giving her hitting advice?”

—Austin A., Portland, ME

SG: Getting there…

“Jeff Kaiser, ’12, got pulled after just over an inning after being unable to throw a strike in IM softball during a blowout Saybrook win. Can we dub a ‘Kaiser’ as a poor performance in a victory, like: ‘The entire French Army pulled a Kaiser for most of World War I and II’?”

—Matt K., Italy

SG: Almost there…

“Was that George Harris, TC ’11, playing point guard, No. 12, for Cornell in the Sweet 16?”

— John W., Lexington, KY

SG: Yup, these are my readers.

(Compiled by Sports Guy)


Timothy Dwight

The spring season is here, and the lions are ON FIRE. Saybrook, enjoy your second place spot—it won’t last. This is the final season of IMs during Master T’s 32-year tenure as master of Timothy Dwight College, and the lions are determined to make it a season to remember for everyone!

Fearless captain Ming Wang, ’10, led TD sharpshooters including Ross Ahya,’10, and Sarah Foote, ’10, to an easy victory over Pierson. On the soccer fields, TD also started the season with a win, thanks in no small part to Carys Johnson, ’12, and Anna Nasonova, ’13. And on that same day, Captain Nahrek Hartoonian, ’12, and his lions hit harder, ran faster, and threw better to beat Pierson in softball. Oh, and TD won badminton as well. Twice. Notice a pattern? TD has yet to play ultimate Frisbee or volleyball this spring, but when they do, expect more of the same.

Nothing can put out this fire, not even repeated torrential downpours. (But seriously, we’re sick of these rainouts—bring on the sun!)

(Compiled by a Sun-Loving Lion)



Breaking News: Flooding in Northeast caused by cloud seeding; Delays Trumbull Intramural team from kicking ass for a few days.

Flooding on a scale rarely seen in New England forced hundreds of residents from their homes and businesses Wednesday, overwhelmed sewage systems and isolated communities as it washed out bridges and rippled across thoroughfares from Maine to Connecticut. [Source: Associated Press]

However, contrary to popular belief, the cause of the storm was not due to irregular climate patterns caused by recent trends in global warming.

A group of students from Yale University, all Intramural Secretaries, have been charged with “attempt to change the weather” in their efforts to seed clouds. Peculiarly, the group was made up of IM secretaries from all colleges except for one: Trumbull College. This has led investigators to suspect that this cloud-seeding was motivated by an attempt to deter Trumbull College from beating the other colleges in what would have been Trumbull’s busiest intramural week this spring season in terms of number of games scheduled.

Many intramural games were canceled this week due to flooded conditions on the intramural field. As of Wednesday afternoon, five of Trumbull’s outdoor games had been cancelled for the week. The make-up dates are to be determined.

“Trumbull IM teams are by far the most intimidating. No one wants to play them,” commented an IM player who preferred to remain anonymous.

“It might not have been the best idea,” one of the lead actors in the cloud-seeding crime said, “as they will only grow stronger with time, I guess we were just delaying our eventual defeat.”

Yale University is currently deciding on appropriate disciplinary actions, however, most students on campus suspect that an automatic Tyng Cup victory for Trumbull College will be the eventual consensus reached by University officials.

(Compiled by Anderson Cooper)

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