Berkeley

Dean Hicks, the Berkeley squash captain, had this email to share with the BK Thundersquash community: “Men victorious, women not so much. But Sally Johnson, ’12, deserves special mention for:

 

1) answering my urgent call to the panlist for a substitute when someone scheduled to play couldn’t make it, even though the only reason she’s on the squash list is because her friends put her name on it as a joke;

 

2) expressing surprise, upon arrival to the courts, that squash is played with a racquet in a glass box;

 

3) celebrating, with the utter glee that is fundamental to the IM spirit, that at one point in her match she made contact with the ball three times in a row.”

 

Congratulations also to the Water Polo Squad, which started off strong with three dominating wins! Captains Caroline Minkus and Scott Kelly attribute their success to teamwork, deep rosters, and the new transfer dolphin.

 

(Compiled by La Chupacabra)

 

Calhoun

 

Houn Intramurals

Former Days of Glory Gone

I weep with sorrow.

 

Dedicated few

journey eagerly to Lanman

Hoping against hope.

 

Forlorn, shorthanded,

They play their hearts out man-down;

Empty sign-in sheets.

 

Oh! Wherefore art thou

brethren, children of the Houn

Come! Gather once more.

 

Compete! Re-ignite

the fire that once consumed all.

Raging Inferno.

 

Volley, Bowl, Paddle

Dig, Dunk, Dive AND DESIRE.

Shoot, Swim, Squish and Squash.

 

Houn! Glory! Play IMs!

Feed the fire, quench the hot thirst.

It’s fun, I promise. :)

 

(Compiled by a WATERPOLO WARRIOR. DEATH TO ALL COMPETITION WE WILL EAT YOU)

 

Davenport

 

Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy,

(Hey, what up gnomes?)

Grab my sneakers, I’m out the door,

I’m gonna hit Payne Whitney,

 

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of G,

Cause when I leave for the night, a win’s

guaranteed.

I’m talking—men’s volleyball had an epic win, win

 

Rob Goldman, ’11, bowls with sick spin, spin,

Hockey team’s so good it’s a sin, sin.

 

Davenport squash is undefeated

 

Emily Graham, ’13, had her first serve

completed

Don’t stop, we’re what’s up,

Dport, go get that Tyng cup,

Tonight, waterpolo’s fine,

 

Rocking double overtime,

Quick shot, on the courts,

Wearing basketball shorts,

 

Oh oo whoa oo whoa oh,

Oh oo whoa oo whoa oh.

 

(Composed by Gnome$)

 

 

Jonathan Edwards

 

Socrates: But thus far you have misunderstood my argument, have you not? For you have said that the Lion is most deserving of the Tyng Cup. Is this not what you have said?

 

Timothy Dwight: Why, verily it is, Socrates, the Lion is sure to win.

 

Socrates: But Timothy, have we not also agreed that the Lion is nearly 140 points behind the Spider in the IM Standings?

 

TD: Indeed we have, Socrates. The Lion is a distant, distant, distant second.

 

Socrates: Here we are in full agreement, Timothy. And is it not also the case that Winter and Spring are the Spider’s strongest seasons? That the Spider is the reigning champion in both?

 

TD: It is, Socrates, it is. The Spider is unbeatable in those seasons.

 

Socrates: In these points we are in agreement. Furthermore, can we not also say truthfully that the Lion has tucked its tail between its legs and fled like a coward, completely giving up all hope of victory?

 

TD: Why, so it has, Socrates! It clearly has! The Spider is clearly superior in all respects: ability, will, badassitude — it will surely win the Tyng!

 

(Compiled by Plato)

 

Morse

 

Morse was rockin’ this week, women’s a-hoops continue to dominate, with Michelle “fuckin-kill-that-shit” Glienke, ’11, destroying girls that towered like The Situation over a drunk and pickle-sucking Snookie.

Morse is truly dominating in the pool, with a current 4-0 leading record in inner tube water polo. Tom “speak quietly and carry a big stick” Schnitzer, ’10, leads the team’s offense to huge wins over the puny opponents. Caroline “nothing can get by my awkwardly vagina shaped tube without buying me dinner first” Nash, ’11, simply doesn’t let a point get by, and Kaitlin “bust that guy in the face if he yells at me one more time” Kelly, ’10, provides more wicked defense. Overall, we’re set to take back the title of Champions of the water with a decisive, no-mercy, undefeated season.

 

(Compiled by the Cult of the Walrus)

 

Silliman

 

Lately, there’s been a lot of buzz about Jersey Shore—but have you heard about College St. Shore?

With an all-star cast of Tsega “T-Bones” Bekele ’10, Chris “Tan Jovi” Brusalis, ’10, Pat “The Body” Ruwe, ’11, Alex “A-Cat” Andrews, ’11, McKaye “Mookie” Neumeister, ’12, Emily “Cutiepie” Langowitz, ’12, Alex “The Incident” Allouche, ’13, Eian “Juice Box” Katz, ’13, and Zoe “Z-Pow” LaPalombara, ’13, the show documents Silliman’s recent success in (where else?) the gym. GTL, baby, GTL. Everybody at PWG definitely knows The Salamander. As far as I know, everybody loves The Salamander, and if you don’t love The Salamander, I’m gonna make you love The Salamander.

We’re beatin’-up-the-beat, that’s what we say when we’re paddling furiously in our inner-tubes or dribbling our basketballs. First, we start off by banging the ground (with our hockey sticks as we skate into playoffs), we’re banging it as the beat builds (like our place in the Tyng Cup standings), ‘cause that beat’s hittin’ us so we’re fightin’ back, it’s like we beat up that beat (and won that win). How does Silliman taste, Yale? How does our victory taste, Yale? Congratulations on our sloppy seconds.

Coming soon to a court, rink, or pool near you, sponsored by Bump-It and Mystic Tan.

 

(Compiled by Q-Train and T-Pop)