Branford

So, there is epic, in the sense of leaping over tall buildings in a single bound, single-handedly saving Gotham City from criminal masterminds, etc. And then there is epic on the level of learning to play squash in a single night, while actively competing against a rival (inferior) college. And this second, quite clearly higher, level of epic is the level at which Branford Intramurals are currently operating. We may not necessarily win every game we play, but we all put in 110 percent, and our players are all showing marked improvement in a number of sports. Most importantly, we have fun, which we all know is what intramurals are really—what am I saying? The point of intramurals is not to have fun! The point is to WIN. Branford students, this is a call to action!! We need YOU!!!! We need you and your epicness. We know it’s there—it’s just hiding, behind all those schoolbooks. PUT DOWN THE BOOKS. Think about it; in 20 years, what will matter more—that you passed that test in that stupid class? Or that, because of your participation, Branford women’s squash won its first match this DECADE. Yeah. That’s what I thought.

 

(Compiled by Branford Intramural Secretaries)

 

Ezra Stiles

 

 

Stilesians, I hear you. You have tests and papers and meetings and illnesses. But, you know what? So does everyone else in every other college. And they’re not in seventh place! We’re slipping. We’re in the bottom half of the standings. And that’s just unacceptable. Where’s your pride?! We need to readjust our attitudes, reprioritize our commitments, refinagle our schedules and reassess our Stilesian love. By skipping a game you are not just letting down your team. You are letting down your captains, your IM secretaries, your college and most importantly, yourself. Every time you are asked what college you are in, you should be able to say, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are in STILES, the absolute best college known to man. But, when your IM standings are sub par, it is difficult to say that with certitude. We need to change that. It’s time to get angry. Let’s see some passion. Let’s see some drive. Let’s show Yale what sets Stilesians apart from the common sludge. We’ve got heart, and we have honor. Because, when it comes down to it, we all answer to one love, ONE MOOSE! Here we come.

 

(Compiled by a frustrated and disgruntled IM secretary)

 

Pierson

 

 

Pierson College is playing anything but PC. Normally, trying to get close to the teams and let the feel like winners, Pierson rolls over and plays dead, like a fairly well trained dog or a mediocre boyfriend who takes the girl out on the second date to go bowling and lets her win. Pierson played politically correct all fall, GIVING AWAY all but 121 points and hoping other teams would recognize our generosity and give us some affection in return. But no one else wanted to play that way. Dumped and in the dog pound, Pierson realized there was only one way to get a lady’s attention or make a family start to care for their pet: start winning. Led by a fired-up Choops team, we’ve now more than doubled our point total this winter. Let the games begin.

 

(Compiled by the Snowman)

 

 

Saybrook

 

After sitting for months in the third place, the Saybrugians are in the middle of making a push for second. The Saybrugians are benefitting from a Ewing-theory like recent improvement due to the recent graduation of super-senior Zach Marks, ’10, who, despite being a great talent, his absence hasallowed Saybrook’s teams have been able to play better without you. (Just kidding, cougar). Saybrook women’s bball team continues to thrive featuring the Petronas Towers of Taylor Lee, ’10, Shawna Ueyama, ’10, and Anne Song, ’13, while Hannah Smith, ’10, continues to play aggressive defense and take advantage of the fact that it is impossible to foul out. Men’s volleyball and basketball are all within a game of first place as well, aided by 6’7” Jim Tormey, ’10, learning to apply his skills of serving in between sets at women’s volleyball games to win t-shirts to intramurals.

These four teams, though, are comprised roughly of 96 percent seniors, making next year’s chances not look as good. Now remember, the University of Tennessee won a national championship the year after Peyton Manning graduated. However, not even Tee Martin could save next year’s Saybrook IMs. Saybrugian athletes realize the time is now and the window of opportunity is closing.

 

(Compiled by Too Much Fun Records and the Lady at the front of Payne Whitney who makes me sneak into the gym through the air conditioning duct)

 

Timothy Dwight

 

Hey! Master T!

Yeah! Sean Paul!

Lil’ Jon!

This one right here is for all the ladies

Ladies who want to take it back

 

Holler at them Master T!

I’ve been thinking about you Tyng Cup

And how we used to be then

Back when we didn’t have to live we could start again

 

There’s nothing left to say

Don’t waste another day

Just you and me tonight

Everything will be okay

If it’s alright with you then it’s alright with me

Baby let’s take this time let’s make new memories

 

Do you remember do you remember do you remember

All of the times we had

Do you remember do you remember do you remember

All of the times we had

Let’s bring it back (Bring it back!)

Let’s bring it back (Bring it back!)

Let’s bring it back (Bring it back!)

Let’s bring it back (Bring it back!)

Let’s bring it back

Guys, let’s do this thing.

 

(Compiled by Robert ‘Jay Sean’ Thompson)

 

 

Trumbull

 

Sample Trumbull College IMSAT Practice Questions:

1. DALMATION: DOG::

a.) George Harris ’11: Water Polo Brick Wall

b.) Stephanie Madner ’11: Speedy Swimmer

c.) Both A and B

2. Trumbull is ____ climbing up the Intramural ranks.

a.) Abscondingly

b.) Decorously

c.) Expeditiously

3. Trumbull College, by virtue of being the best college ever, will beast you in the IM arena.

a.) being the best college for forever,

b.) being the bestest college ever,

c.) being the best college ever,

Check your answers!

1. The correct answer is C. A Dalmatian is a Dog. To go with the same analogy, Harris is a Water Polo Brick Wall and Madner is a Speedy Swimmer.

2. The correct answer is C. Abscondingly is not a word. Unfortunately “decorously” does not make sense either. Expeditiously is the best way to describe Trumbull’s movement through the ranks.

3. The answer is C. There is no error in this sentence.

 

(Compiled by the TrumSAT Tutor)