The sophomore surprise: It’s the nickname we toss around in college to refer to students that come out of the closet around their second year of enrollment. One year at school is often sufficient for anyone questioning the homo/hetero divide to realize a campus is an ideal place to explore one’s sexuality and open up to who you truly are (or truly desire). And although I’m sure you celebrate the smorgasbord of sexual orientations that we support on campus, if you are one of the “surprising” sophomore’s former romantic partners, this shift can be slightly more challenging.

When you go to a school that’s nicknamed “The Gay Ivy,” this sort of thing happens a lot. You go out with someone a few times, maybe fool around a bit. The sparks fail to ignite a torrid love affair and things fade away. Then a few weeks, months, or semesters down the road you learn this person has switched teams. Some react with a laugh and dig through their memories for any missed clues, while others are launched into the most serious of existential crises over what this means for them.

Strangely, this important development in the life of someone else can cause a great deal of self-consideration. Typically, there are two common ways of understanding it:

1. No one else would do after you: Having an ex-lover go gay can be the ultimate ego-booster for some. You were just the beau ideal of your gender, the ultimate example to aspire to, the picture they put next to the word “sexy” in the dictionary. No other man or woman could compare to you, so what’s the point in settling for anyone of your gender ever again? (Note: If you were kicked to the curb, this option becomes less plausible.)

2. You are just so wretched you turned them to the other side: There is something so appalling about you that your ex could never again date anyone like you. Maybe it was your body, how you were in bed, or the way you acted when the two of you were out. And the worst part is you may never learn what about your character is so atrocious that you become a ticking time bomb to sexual orientation shift.

Unfortunately, these are rather self-absorbed and juvenile—albeit natural—ways to explain a change in sexual orientation. When it comes to someone else coming out of the closet, you can fret or flaunt all you want, but really it has nothing to do with you.

Don’t mistake this as a situation that is confusing only to those straight students caught unaware by their former lovers. Gay and lesbian undergrads are tearing their hair out all the time over girls and guys who can’t (for lack of a better pun) get their stories straight. Chasing after someone who is questioning can be stressful and might make you wonder if the other person doesn’t like you or just doesn’t like your gender. If you or someone you know is entangled in this type of situation, Yale’s Queer Peers are a great resource trained to talk to anyone, gay or straight, about such issues. Or you can save a phone call and take my advice.

Knowing that an ex of any kind is moving on can be tough. But don’t waste those rare opportunities provided by a girlfriend gone gay or a Brokeback-loving boyfriend. There are a number of ways you can make lemonade from this sour news that can help you discover plenty of new romantic possibilities.

You can start by winging each other. You now know that the two of you are looking for the same thing…literally. You may not want each other anymore, but why not offer some help finding the next best thing?

Secondly, you now have a friend without benefits (the exception to Harry and Sally’s rule). Sometimes being at college can be rough, because you feel like everyone wants to get in your pants. This can be one relationship safely quarantined to the friend zone. Enjoy.

And finally, you should compare notes. All of us are still figuring out flirting, falling in love, or that other F-word. With an ex that’s batting for the other team, you can now review the plays that work and the roster of free agents your team is trying to pick up. Score.

In the end, this “turn” of events should be much easier than the heartache normal breakups can bring—even long after the fact. No matter how hard news like this hits you at first, you’re going to be okay. It’s ironic that the least clichéd of breakups supports the most clichéd of the breakup lines. For the first time ever, you can actually believe, “It’s not you, it’s me.”