It’s almost Thanksgiving, which means the six weeks of talking about how it’s almost Christmas are almost upon us. Here at Herald, we’re feeling prematurely merry. There’s already talk of investing in a pint-sized Christmas tree (or maybe just a Hanukkah bush, or even a Festivus pole) for the office and we’ve got carols playing at full volume. Our top picks…
“Jingle Bell Rock”
Popular on the Walgreen’s store soundtrack, Jingle Bell Rock is the perfect song to shimmy past all the holiday-themed accoutrements you never knew you needed. Animated christmas trees? An ice skating Snoopy? eos Limited Edition Holiday Lip Balm Sphere 3-Pack in honey apple, wildberry, and passion fruit? They’ve got it all.
“Carol of the Bells”
This one is ominous and sinister and we love it. Sentiments like “gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer” have never sounded so goddamn creepy. We can’t help but think of a young Macaulay Culkin racing home in the dark. We can’t decide how this one makes us feel but we’re into it.
Ugh ok to be honest this track is pretty polarizing – some of us think it’s fun but others can’t get over how simultaneously depressing and catchy it is. At the very least, we hope writing and singing it helped George Michael (of WHAM! fame) get over what must have been a truly gnarly breakup.
To be real, we still mumble the lyrics past the opening until the very last lines. But we do it with gusto!
We love Eartha Kitt’s original recording, but if you want to remedy the implicitly homophobic horror that is Michael Buble’s version of the song, “Santa Buddy” (we get it man, you’re not gay), we suggest you watch Cyndi Lauper and Rosie O’Donnell’s rendition.
“All I Want For Christmas is You”
Easily, positively, without a doubt the greatest Christmas carol of all time. Frankly, if you haven’t listened to this at least twice this month then you need to get with the program. We wouldn’t be surprised if Mariah could support her life of opulence and grandeur on the royalties from this song alone. Check out the Extra Festive version while you’re at it.
America’s best known (only known?) Spanish Christmas song! And some of us here at the Herald contend that this is actually the greatest Christmas carol of all time. Unlike “All I Want For Christmas is You,” this track is a Grammy Hall of Fame inductee. Take that sexy Mariah in a Santa costume…
We are, of course, talking about the Smashing Pumpkins classic. Could anyone think of a better combination of merry cheer and dark, angsty existentialism for the holiday season? No. The answer is no. So when Corgan sings “There’ll be toys for everyone” (not kidding, an actual line in this song), we’re sure these toys are engraved with Edgar Allan Poe poetry.