Movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

By now, we’re all deep enough into the Marvel franchise to know what to expect from Captain America: The Winter Soldier. [Villain] comes to [somewhere they shouldn’t be], [Avenger] faces crisis of identity, [Avenger] kicks [Villain’s] ass. For this installment, we can input data into the formula to yield: [HYDRA] comes to [S.H.I.E.L.D.], [Captain America] faces crisis of identity, [Captain America] kicks [HYDRA’s] ass. And this is fine. It’s what you ordered. Unfortunately, it doesn’t make for the most exciting viewing experience.

But not to worry! The Herald is here to help with a unique strategy to get the most out of The Winter Soldier. There is one notable plot discrepancy between this film and its peers: this Captain America lacks an easy love interest. There is no Pepper Potts to its Tony Stark, no Natalie Portman to its Chris Hemsworth. And thus, the Herald presents its special Captain America: The Winter Soldier viewing game, “Who should Captain America sleep with?”

The film makes a point of telling you over and over again that, yes, somehow, Captain America is single. But should he get with one of the many S.H.I.E.L.D. employees that Black Widow (played by a sultry Scarlett Johansson) tries to set him up with? What about Black Widow herself? (They kiss, and it’s pretty hot.) Other possible options: his cute blonde neighbor? Samuel L. Jackson’s fierce young coed protégé? Samuel L. Jackson? One could also make a compelling case for newcomer Falcon, whose bromance with the Captain arguably stands in for the usual romantic plot in Marvel films. The Herald’s pick? None other than the mysterious newcomer on the scene, the Winter Soldier himself. He’s hot and fierce; the two have a passionate past and some serious chemistry. What’s not to like? Let’s get these two together in the inevitable sequel where more people will shoot more guns and do more backflips, and several more things will explode.

Leave a Reply