As it turns out, the film’s title is the entire gimmick—Hansel and Gretel casts aside trademarks of the original folk tale, like candy and cannibalistic witches (candy’s only role is to set off Hansel’s inconvenient diabetes). One might forgive the film’s liberal interpretation of the tale if the re-imagining had been well-done—but the acting, plot, and dialogue are all cringe-worthy. (Unnecessary) romantic dialogue is awkwardly written. Renner’s acting and Arterton’s do not redeem the flatness of their scripted characters. The plot throws in seemingly random, incoherent twists that never threaten the steady predictability of the 3-D spectacle. Witches on broomsticks, hot witch-hunters in leather pants, friendly giants, 3-D shootings, and filial angst—Hansel and Gretel offers nothing by giving too much. cusps of alienating their audience, but at least we’re still head-banging to it.
MOVIE: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters in 3D
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters in 3D comes across as a bad bedtime story by an unimaginative babysitter, relentlessly working to lull a restless child into sleep with a nonsensical update of a classic folk tale. Briefly depicting the traditional tale within the first ten minutes, the rest of the movie focuses on imagining the adult lives of Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton Quantum of Solace Bond girl) as witch hunters.