How can I keep my long-distance relationship sexy?
Yours,
Wrong-Distance Relationship
Dear Wrong-Distance,
We have all been there. At some point or another each of us has been separated from our significant other, whether for a week or for three years, and we’ve been forced to carry on an intimate relationship remotely. When you first realize that your one and only is leaving the city, state, or maybe even the country, panic strikes—you can feel your sexual frustration rising by the second. But take a deep breath, because your long-distance sexual awakening is right around the corner.
To warm up, send a racy text and never look back. I know it’s tempting to text a classic “I miss you,” but next time try “I miss your c*** (Insert M/F terminology) and let the games begin. It’s important to note that before you begin sexting you absolutely must make sure that your phone does not “Show Preview” of your text messages in alerts. It might seem funny now, but no one wants “I need your throbbing…” showing up with a vibration on the seminar table. And if you are planning to turn these texts into full-blown sexual experiences, I suggest sending a few while you are both out at night. It will be your little secret at the party and ensure that by the time you both get home you’ll be ready to go.
Once you have gotten comfortable with erotic texts, you can enhance the sexting experience with some hot pics. If it seems too nerve-wracking to send these vulnerable images out into cyberspace, just download Snapchat (being sure to set the timer to a full 10 seconds—this is your lover we’re talking about, after all). If you don’t already have a phone with a flip-view camera, trust me, now is the time to invest. While it was fun at first to have my roommate take pictures of me in underwear, things are going to heat up fast and you’re going to want to take these pictures privately. (Hint: everyone looks better lying down with one or both knees up). Ladies, I know you don’t necessarily want to see your guy touching himself—but here’s the thing, you should pretend. He’s settling for text-sex, and the least you could do is compliment his bulging physique.
Classic phone sex, though somewhat outdated, can definitely help to mix up this text grind. It may seem stressful, but just close your eyes, imagine that a real live human could touch you in the next moment, and vocalize it. You won’t be sorry. And if it gets too distracting trying to pleasure yourself manually while texting/talking/snapping-pics (it’s a lot!), invest in a sex toy. Orgasms are simply not overrated.
Lastly, there’s Skype. Here’s the thing: it’s not super flattering, and that’s a fact. Beyoncé probably doesn’t even look good touching herself on Skype. But the live action can be nice. So just make sure that you are comfortable with your partner and that you have dimmed the lights.
The situation may seem grim…but I promise that you (armed with a very good cellular plan) have got this.
