7. Best facial hair

No such thing. But. Here’s the secret to maximizing your set-up. Golden rule of facial hair: know thyself. There’s no one-size-fits-all, Categorical Imperative-style credo when it comes to growing and curating the hairs that sprout on your face. You can really only sow the plot you’re given. Some dudes hit puberty like freight trains and wind up with rowdy whisker growth by age 16. Other dudes are dealt a relatively hair-free genetic hand. You gotta play to your strengths. If you’ve got a five o’clock shadow by lunchtime, and the Beard World is your oyster, experiment. I recently met this badass geezer who was wearing a bolo tie and had what I think might accurately be described as a Chin Strap / Lip Strap combo—thin strip of hair along his jaw, one inch clean- shaven gap, and then another thin strip that ran from one sideburn, along the upper lip to the other sideburn. Smoke ‘em if you got em. If you’re a little less hirsute in the face department, consider picking your favorite whisker and grow- ing it as long as possible. Three-incher at the corner of the mouth? Golden.