Questions:

1. How long will Tiger stay away from golf? Will he play the Masters?

2. LeBron James is coming up on free agency! What should he do and where should he go?

3. MARCH MADNESS. Who’s going to take it?

HENRY GRABAR SAGE

1. Tiger Woods was on the cover of the New York Post for more than 20 consecutive days. That breaks the record held by 9/11. In times like these, the best thing to do is get back to what you do best. In Tiger’s case, he needs to start golfing again so we can remember why we ever liked him in the first place.

2. On this one, I’ve gotta go against the grain. I know I’m supposed to say I want LeBron on the Knicks—but here my greatest sympathies lie with the city of Cleveland, which hasn’t won a championship since (gasp) 1964. And let me tell you, it ain’t gonna be the Browns or the Indians that ends that drought. It’s LeBron and the Cavs or bust for Cleveland, not to mention that in the age of free agency, you love to see a guy actually spend his whole career with one team (Jeter).

3. As a native New Yorker, I’m already thinking back to when ‘Melo and the Orange won the big dance in 2003. Granted, my hometown of NYC is definitely geographically closer to Villanova, but New York State pride is at an all-time low and we need a boost. After having two crook governors in a row, New York State deserves a champion. Go Orange!

GEORGE HARRIS

1. Tiger Woods will stay away from golf about as long as he can stay away from big boobs and prostitutes. Expect to see him at the Master’s. THE MASTER SLUTZ.

2. You know that show “Shaq Vs.?” Where Shaq went out and challenged a bunch of other great athletes to their sports? LeBron James should do that in real life. I’m pretty sure with his natural athleticism, fierce competitiveness, and ridiculous speed, he could get into every major Hall of Fame. After he finishes getting every award in professional sports, he should be the president, then an astronaut, and a ninja.

3. I’m pretty sure that Kansas is going all the way. I mean, it’s Kansas. All they have is basketball, unless Turner Gill can get in there and make that ragtag bunch of clowns they call a football team into something serious. My number two choice would probably be the Trumbull C-Hoops Basketball team. They’re freakin’ legit.

BEN SCHENKEL

1. I give him the equivalent of a Tang Dynasty until he’s in tip-top shape and raring to grace the links again. The Tiger has been crouching in solitude (or is it sex rehab?) for months now, and I have no illusions that he’ll emerge anytime soon to reassert his dominance. Before he can play in the Masters, Tiger will need to be more gung and less ho.

2. Forget about LeBron’s endorsements with Nike, Sprite, and McDonald’s—once he’s released from his contract with the Cavaliers, he’ll have an even sweeter deal in the works. Starting with the “330” tattoo already engraved on his lower right arm, LeBron will do the painful yet profitable bidding of his newest corporate sponsor: Yellow Pages!

3. Word has it that March will go out like a lamb, but alas, I have no such barometer for college hoops. That doesn’t stop me from predicting that the Muhlenberg Mules (no relation to Francis) from Allentown will take it all, even though my wretched hometown hasn’t charted anywhere since 1982, when Billy Joel wrote an insulting song about it. Oh, wait, the Mules’ season is over already…