This Friday, in honor of the Game and our guests from the North, YCC is throwing a huge party in Commons. It will feature Switch, of Major Lazer, along with the winners of Yale and Harvard student DJ contests in a duel before the main show. As if that wasn’t enough excitement, the party will also feature “some of the sickest lasers you can find – the same ones that were used at the Super Bowl.” This is serious business- Super Bowl tested lasers serious. You can check out the Yale student DJ submissions here, and then vote here. The submissions vary, with production values ranging from the top video drenched in hipster sunlight on a roof to the one below, which features exclusively the DJ’s machine on his lap.

Bacon? Cat food.

Eggs? Cat food.

Potatoes? Cat food.

I have a cat, and I know what cat food smells like.

This meal smelled like that.

This is the opposite of the breakfast I had this morning.

First: I am a big fan of the Yale dining system. For the past year, it has reliably satisfied my hunger with food that not only exists, but will fill space in my stomach when I consume it. I have nothing but gratitude for the hundreds of people who work early in the morning and late at night to feed me and my friends.

But is it just me or has breakfast in Commons been really crappy lately?

Let me share an experience I had yesterday that will highlight some of the aforesaid crappiness. I immediately made a beeline for the hot food line, as I always do (being something of a “hot” fellow myself, I require food to match). But what’s this — a long line?! Now, I’ve had many a breakfast in Commons, and I don’t often find a line. But OK, it’s fine. The staff certainly can’t control the size of the line.

But they can, you see. Oh, they can. The reason for the line, it seems, was a marked paucity of hot food. Literally, none. Not an egg. Not a watery egg white. None of that delightful French toast casserole that tickles my esophagus two to three times a week. This was disturbing. Less disturbing, however, than the fact that there did not really seem to be any reinforcements on the way. I saw some eggs on the grill that could be charitably referred to as “not scrambled,” or even — dare I say it — “raw”.

Ah, but no matter. Your intrepid narrator decided it was time for a hearty bowl of cereal and a tall, refreshing glass of OJ. No better way to start the day!

Oh, well, this machine seems to be dispensing water, rather than orange juice. But that’s OK — there are two more.

Hmm. More water. Well, third time’s the charm!

WHAT THE F@#K!!!! I– WHAT–  I DON’T EVEN– Gah. OK. Fine. Water. I like water. Let me just get a little milk on this cereal.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! THERE IS NO MILK?!!?! NONE AT ALL?!?!!?

Come on, Commons. Get it together.

:(

Photo courtesy of Flickr user c.a.muller

Duran Duran, “Hungry Like a Wolf”
Bananarama, “Cruel Summer”
Cyndi Lauper, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
Bryan Adams, “Summer of ’69″
the Bangles, “Eternal Flame”
Cyndi Lauper, “Time After Time”
John Mellencamp, “Jack and Diane”
Toni Basil, “Mickey”
Eurythmics, “Sweet Dreams”
Bon Jovi, “Livin’ on a Prayer”
Jefferson Airplane, “We Built This City”
Bobby Brown, “My Prerogative”
Simple Minds, “Don’t You Forget About Me”
Tina Turner, “What’s Love Got to Do With It”
Janet Jackson, “Nasty”
Poison, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”
Whitney Houston, “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”
the Bangles, “Walk Like an Egyptian”
Los Lobos, “La Bamba”
Men at Work, “Who Can It Be Now?”
Tiffany, “I Think We’re Alone Now”
Irene Cara, “What A Feeling”
Bruce Springsteen, “Dancing In the Dark”
Madonna, “Material Girl”
Nena, “99 Luftballons”
Wham!, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
Pat Benatar, “Love Is A Battlefield”
Rick Springfield, “Jessie’s Girl”
Kenny Loggins, “Footloose”
the Police, “Every Breath You Take”
Bonnie Tyler, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
Tommy Tutone, “867-5309″
Air Supply, “All Out of Love”
Dexy’s Midnight Runners, “Come On Eileen”
Culture Club, “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”
Styx, “Mr. Roboto”
The Go-Gos, “We Got the Beat”
Violent Femmes, “Blister in the Sun”
George Michael, “Faith”
Beastie Boys, “Fight For Your Right”
Prince, “When Doves Cry”