COLLEGE TAILGATES: Crucial of course. There will be burgers, hot dogs, and probably music. On the other hand, your master’s administrative assistant will probably be manning the grill, which is a little awkward when you’re seven drinks in at 11 a.m.

FRAT TAILGATES: The crux of the whole event, if you’re a Yale undergrad. Heavy hitters DKE and Zeta are out of commision—most of their members will be on the Gridiron—but SAE and SigEp both say they are going all-out. The latter is teaming up with the PiPhi sorority for an extra-special mix of Oxford Shirts and Fur mini-dresses (the latter, of course, courtesy of YDN Multimedia editor Courtney Pannell, a Bullblog favorite). And we hear that a shadow donor will be giving them the funds to serve virtually unlimited Jack Daniels & Tequila.

JACK WILLS TAILGATE: As the last stop of their Fall College tour, the apparel brand will be bringing their two luxe Range Rovers for a serious extravaganza. Free boxers and other goodies will be available. The A&F look-alikes will set up shop (DJ in hand) right next to SigEp’s liquor-filled goodness.

SPORTS TEAM TAILGATES: Many of the Varsity teams not playing Saturday—Soccer, Heavyweight crew—will be representing tomorrow morning. Sadly, many of these will not be super-public, so you may have to know the captain or something.

ALUMNI TAILGATES: We’ve heard these constitute the true land of milk and honey, with fancy liquor and good food galore. You’ll have to sneak in though, which requires a certain elan—if you’ve got it, flaunt it.

HARVARD TAILGATES: No.

Where’s Scene?

Here’s what to say if we lose (within earshot of a Harvarder):

-”Gee, that loss wore me out. I guess I’ll fly home to my family and get ready for Thanksgiving now!”

-”Wow, if Harvard keeps playing that well, maybe their athletic director will get them a real mascot!”

-”Man, tough game. I’m glad that our AWESOME tailgate got me drunk enough to bear it!”

-”Yeah, they’re good. Too bad their cheerleaders are so UGLY! HAH!” [Disclaimer: I have not seen any of Harvard's cheerleaders. I'm sure their looks are entirely comparable with the rest of the Harvard population. This is just universally acknowledged to be a totally sick burn.]

Here’s what not to say:

-”Yeah. They were better than us, anyway.”

-”Harvard SUCKS!!! They… suck! [sob]”

-”I drank too much. I think I’m going to vomit.”

The great thing about Sportsmanship, though, is that if and when we win, it goes out the window. RUB IT IN!!!

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!

1. Jackie Bruleigh, head scriptwriter. Like Tina Fey on “30 Rock,” Jackie is the boss, she’s a strong, assertive, creative woman, and she’s pretty into food. She’s the one in charge of coming up with ideas for a script and convening the “script team.”
2. Tom Duffy, Ph. D., faculty advisor. Professor Duffy is the Alec Baldwin to Jackie’s Tina, the “suit” who helps to edit the script after it’s been drafted by the “script team.”
3. Raja Pillai, announcer. Tracy Morgan?
4. Kate Kraft, drum major. The drum major, it turns out, is basically the conductor of the band.  So she is a huge deal.
5. Tory Jeffay, props builder. Inexplicably referred to as “squiddeity,” this position involves building the props for the shows––super important!

Now, as you probably know, actual details about the Game show are Top Secret.  But I have assurances from my source that preparations are well under way, and that excitement among the YPMBers is higher than ever.  ”I love being in the band, especially around this time of the year,” she told me.  ”We have bigger audiences, and people tend to really respond well to our Game Show. However, I’m kind of stressed because I want the show to be perfect, especially after what happened last year.”

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!

According to the Alumni Affairs organization of H-town, Harvard will also be setting up some tailgates (let’s hope they don’t go too wild with all their newfound tailgating freedom unlike last year’s “nanny state“!)  The house tailgates look pretty boring, but I will give a beer (fresh from the SigEp keg) to anyone who can infiltrate this one.

Last year, Harvard had girl talk play at a pep rally.  Then the Harvard 5-0 ended it prematurely (like their tailgate) after the event got too rowdy.  This year, they’re all in a tizzy that they don’t have anyone to perform.  And they have to pay for their tickets and transport!  Luckily there will be a “FAN-tastic freshman contest!” as a replacement.  According to one Harvarder, “There will be of more hating on Yale this year than a concert—we’re getting back to the basics of destroying Yale.  So it will be getting back to the roots of what a pep rally is.”

According to the real Elle Woodses of Harvard, the top 10 things to do at the game include playing “spot the future famous person”, going to the Harvard-Yale glee club concert (“It’s always a blast”), choreographing a victory dance, not exploring New Haven (“New Haven does have a rep for being kind of dangerous.“), and “having fun”!  Will do, Elles!

Listen up for a remix of the Harvard fight song “10,000 men of Harvard”.   Voting is going on right NOW so Harvard can pick which one will be played at the fore-mentioned pep rally.  And look out for some “Yale sux” shirts even though “we don’t need a t-shirt to tell us Yale sucks“.   Apparently, they do need a video though!

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!

I know you’re worried. You don’t really watch football. SportsCenter just isn’t your thing. You watched ESPN once, but… actually, no. You lied. You never watched ESPN.

Football can be scary. There’s kicking, and hitting, and running. But it has things you like, too — leather, tight pants, tackling — and I think you can learn to love it. You just gotta know what’s going on. Here’s the basics for Saturday.

When we have the ball, we want to get to our “endzone” (laugh… laugh… okay enough laughing, serious time). We get four chances — they’re called “downs” — to move the ball 10 yards. They don’t have to be all at once — we can move the ball 2 yards on the first down, then 5 yards on the second, yada yada yada. Then we’ve made it 10 yards. We move the ball by running, and passing, and not getting tackled. Once those guys in red, the Harvards, tackle us, that chance is over. Next “down.” Once we move the ball 10 yards, we get to start all over with four new chances! That’s called a “first down.”

Sometimes, though, especially when we’ve got the ball, a team will get to the fourth (and last) down, and not have moved the ball at all, or even have moved it backwards! And if we don’t make it 10 yards in that fourth down, the crimsons get the ball. We don’t want that, that’s bad. So for the fourth down, we have a choice: we can risk it, and try and move the ball those last yards, or we can hedge our bets and give them the ball, but only after kicking it as far as we can toward our own endzone — that’s called a “punt” — so they have a first down, but they’re far away from where they want to be. Get it? Because we don’t want them to get to their endzone?

Among other things we don’t want: if you see the red team move the ball alllll the way to the very end of the field, they’ve scored a touchdown. On rare occasion, you might see the blue team do the same thing on the other end. That’s great! CHEER REAL LOUD! Whichever team gets the ball to their endzone gets 6 points! Then they get to try and kick the ball through those big prongs, and if they make that they get another point.

That’s the gist of it, but there are a lot of rules that I just can’t explain to you all at once. Football is a lot like life: things are going to happen, and the whistle is going to blow, and you won’t know whether it’s good or bad. But this Saturday, do what your friends are doing. If they cheer, it’s good. If they cry, they might have bigger issues. It’s just a game, guys.

xo

Chloe

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!

Goodnight, poor Harvard,

Harvard, goodnight!

Oh, we’ve got your number, you’re high as a kite. Oh, Oh, Oh,

Goodnight, poor Harvard, you’re tucked in tight.

When the big blue team gets after you

Harvard, goodnight!

You might want to print it out, or at least e-mail it to yourself in a special folder on your iPhone, because chances are not good that your memory will hold up at the Game—or even on the walk there.

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!

How to host Harvarders is most important if you’re a freshman: you haven’t been home yet since the beginning of school, and so you have yet to fully learn the art of lying about social success. Sure, you call your mom every once in a while to tell her about “all the really close friends that you’ve made,” but you’ve never had to fake that reality in person. Now you have to, which is terrifying, but remember: Cantabs have, for whatever reason, far worse social skills than Yalies. It’s just a proven fact. And now you have to rub that in their faces by partying excessively hard and just generally being more awesome than they.

What to Do:
1. Own them at beer pong, proving how many skillz you’ve picked up since graduation.
2. Go to Pance Party, find the hottest person you can to make out with you all over the place. Avoid if your Harvard friend is better looking than you (but let’s be real, all Harvard kids are busted).
3. Go to DKE and SAE and party with athletes, who really know how to throw down.
4. Drunkenly take them to Ivy Noodle at the end of the night for the best meal of their lives.

What Not to Do:
1. Don’t go to the party hosted by the Phoenix (one of their snooty final clubs) at Alchemy. The party won’t be sweet, but in case it is, you don’t want to have to live up to comparisons.
2. Whatever you do, don’t vomit. Unless you’re planning to immediately rally, in which case, GO FOR IT. Then you’re just hardcore.
3. Don’t drunkenly admit to them that sometimes you feel a little lost, and that you haven’t met anyone you really connect with, and that you miss high school where you were a big fish in a little pond. Fake it ’till you make it, kids.

For more coverage of the Harvard-Yale Game 2009, check out our Game topic page!