Have you ever wanted to feel like a lonely 30-year-old who has tried just about everything: match.com, blind dates, chat rooms, chat roulette… and who probably has too many cats and no single friends and spends a majority of Saturday nights watching Love, Actually with a tub of chunky monkey watching your thighs get chunky?  Stop your crying, lonelygirl83!  We’ve got a perfect solution for you.. Speed dating: College edition!  It’s kind of like Room Raiders Hotlanta except you probably won’t make out with the person on live television after you meet them.

I walked in to the Silliman dining hall Wednesday Night and took a seat alone and tried in vain to not look stupid by pretending to text.  At the beginning there were shockingly the same number of guys as girls, but the chemistry got unbalanced halfway through so I missed out on one date (maybe he was The One!).  We were supposed to “date” 7 guys, but I had to eliminate The One that Got Away and this other guy that I already knew from a seminar last year.  4 of the next 5 guys were Econ/ Polisci/ History majors. Number Five spent the entire date talking about economics.  “I got a C in Econ once!” I said.  He didn’t seem too impressed, and then I started thinking about my econ lecture freshman year and almost nodded off until the Sex Week Worker yelled “SWITCH!!!!”

Guy #6 and I had an awkward pause (it was definitely awkward and not one of those “pause because you don’t need to talk to each other” pauses) but were saved by a shower of condoms.  I picked one up and remarked that it was too bad they had given us such a bland variety.  I said I would have loved strawberry flavor, or maybe glow in the dark and then I told him about how it was my lifelong dream to have condoms with interesting patterns printed on the side.

“But do you think anyone would buy them?” he asked.

“I don’t really care.  I just think it would be so funny to have condoms with hands printed on them.. or lips.. or anything, really.”

“Ya, but how would you market it?”

“No, I mean I don’t want to market it.”

“But you wouldn’t make any money off it.”

“No, I don’t want to make any money off it.  It would just be for fun.”

“Oh, I don’t think I get it….”

And thus ended my speed dating, but not my condom hopes and dreams.  There must be someone out there who will date me and my leopard print condoms.