During finals week at my high school there was a girl in my class who informed me of the concept of “brain food”; food that is supposed to help you study and learn.  During finals period her mom packed high-protein foods, raw fruits and vegetables, eggs, and peanut butter in her lunch box.  Apparently this is what high school students need to eat to keep their brains moving and their test scores high, but what are college students supposed to do?

I have come up with a pretty much fool-proof college “craze daze” diet for those special days when I stay up all night writing papers, nights before midterms, and finals or reading week that I have used effectively to power me through some pretty rough times which I would like to share with you.

The base of the college craze diet is caffeine and lots of it.  Try to drink (or eat) as much of it as you can.  If you can, double fist one cold and one hot drink.  Stay away from weakly caffeinated beverages like red teas and go straight to the heart with Starbucks double shots and Monster Energy.

The second food group is pop chips,  Great Skott chocolate covered pretzels and rasins, and a bacon, egg and cheese from the buttery (because you should be boycotting G-Heav).

The third food group is water which you should drink only in very large quantities at very quick speeds so that you feel a little sloshy when you stand up.

The fourth food group is more caffeine, taken in its purest forms: 5 hour energy and Jolt chewing gum.  Drink and chew back to back.

The fifth food group is reserved only for truly brave and crazed college students.  This group contains any foods you can find in the common room.. including anything half-eaten you can’t be sure is still okay to eat, left-over take out (don’t check the dates), that carton of silk chocolate milk you stole from the dining hall, a 3-week-old lemon, and melted ice cream.