The tailgate, if you haven’t ever been to it before, is overwhelming. There are thousands and thousands of people and no one knows where to go. No one, that is, except the Bullblog. Here’s our no-bull guide to the Tailgate, with all the types of u-hauls represented:

COLLEGE TAILGATES: Crucial of course. There will be burgers, hot dogs, and probably music. On the other hand, your master’s administrative assistant will probably be manning the grill, which is a little awkward when you’re seven drinks in at 11 a.m.

FRAT TAILGATES: The crux of the whole event, if you’re a Yale undergrad. Heavy hitters DKE and Zeta are out of commision—most of their members will be on the Gridiron—but SAE and SigEp both say they are going all-out. The latter is teaming up with the PiPhi sorority for an extra-special mix of Oxford Shirts and Fur mini-dresses (the latter, of course, courtesy of YDN Multimedia editor Courtney Pannell, a Bullblog favorite). And we hear that a shadow donor will be giving them the funds to serve virtually unlimited Jack Daniels & Tequila.

JACK WILLS TAILGATE: As the last stop of their Fall College tour, the apparel brand will be bringing their two luxe Range Rovers for a serious extravaganza. Free boxers and other goodies will be available. The A&F look-alikes will set up shop (DJ in hand) right next to SigEp’s liquor-filled goodness.

SPORTS TEAM TAILGATES: Many of the Varsity teams not playing Saturday—Soccer, Heavyweight crew—will be representing tomorrow morning. Sadly, many of these will not be super-public, so you may have to know the captain or something.

ALUMNI TAILGATES: We’ve heard these constitute the true land of milk and honey, with fancy liquor and good food galore. You’ll have to sneak in though, which requires a certain elan—if you’ve got it, flaunt it.

HARVARD TAILGATES: No.