For those of you who were worried about what your first plan of action should be immediately upon graduating from Yale, I have a solution for you.

First: bring your Yale diploma to a frame shop.  Ask the framer for the most expensive frame you can possibly buy.  If you can, get an ivory inlay and get the edges covered in gold (don’t bother with any of that pedestrian gold leaf stuff).  Hang it up in your parent’s house right above your bed between your Led Zeppelin and Bob Dylan posters.

Second: join The Ivy Plus Society, a society for single Ivy League alums… PLUS!  Here you’ll meet the sexy AND smart top college grad of your dreams.  People can only join the society if they went to an Ivy school or other top schools, including Caltech, the Air Force Academy, MIT, and Cambridge.  The society hosts events for the most privileged and intelligent 21-42 year old’s, and though TIPS claims its goal is to bring “together young alumni from a select group of schools to create a community of talented, dynamic individuals”, we all know what’s really going on.  One of their recent events was a pool party where “Ladies donned their cutest bikinis and gents sported their darkest shades at Santa Monica’s hottest new summer destination: the Shangri-la Pool.”