Rhesus macaque or baby??

We all woke up to, ahem, concerned chuckles this morning when we got the e-mail from Chief Perrotti about the Rhesus monkeys on the loose.  But if you could get past the first sentence of that e-mail, you’ll know that they are actually really dangerous, having been infected (for research purposes, I assume) with some crazy African virus.

Now I’m worried about whether or not we’ll be able to tell these monkeys apart from regular people on the street.  So I’m doing some scientific research, based on the comments on this David Attenborough-narrated Youtube video.

1. Unsuccessful recognition/mistaking them as human

• “hey they are walking like humans”
• “We sure look a lot like them, don’t we?”
• “They look kind of gay”
• “that is so like humans”
• Question: “what is the name of this type of monkey?” Reply: “Harold.”

2. Successful recognition as inhuman

• “Monkeys? MONKEYS??? They’re baboons! Did someone at the BBC name this post? Honestly…”
• “baboons? they are not cute. you guys must have never seen them rip up their prey”
• “SENDING THEM MY HUGS!!”
• “they have huge penis’s”
• “i slapped a monkeys head once in a zoo and he punched me in the fucking face and pissed off with my cap…..”

So, based on my findings, I’d say we’d have about a 50-50 shot of recognizing these monkeys and getting the hell away from them.  I’d recommend more Attenborough if you want to do some research and be truly prepared for this monkey-pocalypse.