Yale’s Swine Flu strategy: drink cocoa and wear a doile on your face

I am a major hypochondriac, so I assume I have every trendy disease that hits the market a given season. When SARS came around, I feared my minor cough and sore throat was going to start a pandemic in Northern NJ. Same with Bird Flu (and no, I had not been traveling in Guangzhou, fka Canton). So of course, when yesterday I started to feel “fatigue” (I fell asleep reading Venus and Adonis—who wouldn’t?) and coughing, I settled into my couch for the worst. I called the surprisingly difficult to navigate flu hotline, explained my symptoms, and was told to send my roommates to my dean’s office to pick up the “Flu Kit” so I could check my temperature. For the benefit of the healthy, here is the full list of contents:

• 10 Tylenol
• 1 package Halls cough drops
• 10 Ibuprofen
• 10 Tempa-DOT thermometers
• 6 masks
• 1 package tissues
• 1 package hot chocolate

I went straight for the very strange Tempa-Dot thermometers—which are basically narrow strips of paper that say whether you have a fever or not. Kind of like litmus paper for the tongue. Or a mood ring. For me: no fever. Still, even if I don’t have the swine, I’ll certainly be able to put the flu pack to good use: who doesn’t love hot chocolate? It’s nice to see Yale cares. And if I decide to go topical this Halloween (Michael Jackson and flu victim in one!) the masks will serve me well.

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