Remember that kid at summer camp who couldn’t play outdoor freeze tag? Who could only participate in select activities, like learning sidestroke and playing Newcomb (also known as volleyball for awkward 11-year-olds)?

Mysterious child, we envy you. Your allergy to grass is what we always wanted. An excuse to refrain from physical activity, the ultimate opportunity to do arts and crafts all day long and never see the sun. I’m sorry, though, for all the things you must have missed out on: lawn tennis, croquet, picnics with gingham tablecloths and wicker baskets. But I guess they invented picnic blankets for a reason.

Although I’ve always been fascinated by the grass allergy, I never quite understood it. How does it work? Does it apply to all kinds of grass? Sod? Short grass? Tall grass? Kentucky Bluegrass? The only things I have learned, I have learned from watching Claritin commercials, and those haven’t helped much at all.

We know you’re out there – please do tell! The daycamper in me is incredibly jealous, and I just want to know more. But whoever you are, for goodness sakes please be careful on Cross Campus.