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BREAKING: Famous Voynich Manuscript DECODED

The Manuscript (wikimedia commons)

The Manuscript (wikimedia commons)

The Voynich Manuscript is one of Beinecke Library’s prized possessions. It was written around the 15th century, and its name comes from Wilifrid M. Voynich, the man who acquired it in 1912. But that is pretty much all the public knows about it! The manuscript contains a completely UNKNOWN text!

Linguistics PhDs and the cast of MythBusters have been trying to decode the Voynich language for decades. No one has succeeded… Until Now. After months of research and lots of Nicholas Cage-esque montages, the Bullblog has finally deciphered the famous Voynich Manuscript.

Here is the shocking introduction:

 

“We the People of the civilization of Mesobeytamia, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do foresee and ordain the coming of a prophet.

On the 13th day of December, in the year 2013, this messiah will descend and release musical recordings. These recordings will be heard around the world, and they will shed light on the meaning of self, the existence of a higher power, and how to lose the baby weight in under 3 months.

We have established a secret order to preserve and protect the safety of Queen Bey, the immortal and everlasting oracle. This order has been decreed the Illuminati (HOVA).

Inexorably, mysterious events leading up the coming of Bey will confuse future populations. Fear not, citizens of Earth: the lost city of Atlantis, the Bermuda Triangle, the Windings font, and Roswell are merely cover-ups. The Illuminati has vowed to guard the welfare of Yoncé (as her disciples know her), but mishaps will occur.

This manuscript provides the key to unlocking the immortal Beyoncé’s word: play the musical album backwards while engaging in the ritualistic act of twerking in order to understand the truth in life, death, and beyond.”

 

 

CRAZY right?! Well, we did it. We know the truth; the truth in everything:

Khloe Kardashian was adopted.

  • Nanodome Ltd

    And people said twerking couldn’t be 500 years old – they were, like, so totes wrong. But who is Beyoncé, again, exactly?