This weekend, the Elm City will be flooded with drunk college students and Bain employees alike. Our peers and the few hip alums will try relentlessly to get on the Ivy League Snapchat Story. Only some will succeed. Here are the five types of snaps we will hastily tap our way through this weekend when we can’t make any more small talk at the tailgate.
1. The teams themselves
The young men suiting up to take on their sworn enemies in a battle of wit, will, and patriotism will at some point whip out their phones to capture the tense but excited moments in the locker room.
2. The ones who are above it all
These are the people reflecting into their selfie cameras about how this rivalry is a silly construct and how it’s ridiculous to participate in this dick measuring contest when both schools are so well endowed. These are the ones that most people will skip almost immediately because HUCK FARVARD.
3. The woo people
Simple. These are people that are “woo”ing in the crowd for one team or another. They are decked out in school colors and cheek tattoos. Very few will watch these for the full ten seconds of shrill cheering, but many will wonder why someone else’s basic “woo”ing was chosen over their own. Nobody knows, people. Nobody knows.
4. The trashed alum who downloaded Snapchat “to see what all the fuss was about” but who actually downloaded it because he wants to relive the glory days of being a college student (The Bright College Years, if you will)
This one may include some silly self-aware commentary like “How do you work this thing?” or “Is this thing on?” It will almost definitely include a class year and residential college shout out. The true gems are the unseen snaps sent to the story but not published of confused looking alums who accidentally took a picture instead of a video because they didn’t know they had to hold the button.
5. The one with a dog
The first person to find Handsome Dan and snap a picture gets on the story. Don’t hurt yourselves for this one, kids. It’s Snap glory not the afikoman.