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Revolutionary Bra Attempts to Eradicate Meaningless Hookups

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With so many devices available on the market, it’s refreshing when something with legitimate social value is released (fuck Flappy Bird). As a Yale woman, I often find myself teetering between the desire to guard my heart and my lady lumps – but no longer. The True Love Tester Bra works by unhooking only when a woman’s heart beat surpasses the slightly ambiguous ‘true love rate’.

Current research is being conducted at Toads, where heart rates exceeding the ‘I want to bone you’ threshold could prove messy. In a recent announcement, Peter Salovey commended the creators of the True Love Tester Bra, lauding their “efforts to improve campus climate” and stating, “the university will reap the benefit of their scholarly judgments for decades to come.”

Now, instead of having to let boys down with the classic “I’m a lesbian” or “I’m saving it for Jesus,” girls can bashfully put the blame on their undies. This bra is the Akon of female undergarment apparel, except everybody wins and nobody assaults a minor.

This is what the Yale dating (and by dating, I mean DFMO) scene needs.