Super Weird Shit going down in Sochi

I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE. (wikimedia commons)

We all love the Olympics. It’s fun to watch young international athletes compete in figure skating, freestyle skiing, and (yeah duh) bobsleigh, among other sports. But, when the location for the 2014 Winter Olympics was announced, Google’s top hit instantly became: “What is Sochi?” Subsequent Google-y findings clarified that it is a) not a Mochi flavor and b) quite a worrisome spot for this year’s Games.


Here are all the things that are not Sochill about Sochi:

It actually has a humid, subtropical climate that averages in the 60s in winter. Is this not the Winter Olympics? There needs to be, like, a lot of snow on the ground, and this seems like one of maybe three places in Russia that are not freezing cold.

You are not allowed to talk about homosexuality there. That’s been true ever since Russia passed this absurd legislation. Putes, its 2014, Putes.

The Sochi Games have cost about $51 billion, but the sources behind the funding are shrouded in mystery and controversy, unlike all of Russian history, ever.

The tricked-out facility looks like the brainchild of a Hunger Games Gamemaker and James Cameron. But there are no aliens and/or avatars (that we KNOW OF!).

Obama isn’t going. Neither are the French or German Presidents. Neither are many EU officials. But the Head of the Russian Olympic Committee is “not really concerned about it.” <– TOO cool fer school !

There have been numerous terrorist threats. This is the most recent one.


In all seriousness, we hope that the Games are safe and successful. Sochi seems like a problematic choice for various reasons, but may the odds be ever in their favor.



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