The stars are not aligned

If you are like me or Joe Satran, whenever you have a crush on someone, the first thing you do isn’t Facebook stalk or Google that person. You immediately find out their birthday via Yale Facebook and go to this website to discover your astrological compatibility. If the result is good, you begin the pursuit. If the result is bad, you abandon all hope of ever being with that person because the universe is against you. Indeed, I have spent many a night choking back vodka-induced tears researching the romantic options the stars have given me.

However, all of this research of mine may be completely null and void.  Astronomer Parke Kunkle recently asserted that your sign may not really be your sign. Apparently, the Earth is currently in a different spot in relation to the Sun, and its equatorial alignment has changed from 3,000 years ago when astrology began. The Earth’s wobble on its axis has created a one month bump in the alignment of the stars. Additionally, there may be a 13th sign: Ophiuchus (I know, it sounds like an STI). All along I thought I was a Gemini when I am actually a Taurus, and, sadly, I can no longer attribute my mood swings to the feuding twins that compose my being. Maybe I should just stick to regular palm/tarot card readings to decide what to do with myself, rather than investing in the traitorous stars. To find out to what extent your life has been derailed, here’s a list of the “new” zodiac signs:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

4 Responses

  1. josephus says:

    For the last 3,000 years we only had 7 days to be a Scorpio ? Any counterpoints or argument about this guy’s new theory ? Maybe sticking with the Chinese Zodiac is safer, you get a whole year to be one sign – Which by the way will be the Year of the Rabbitt in a few weeks.

  2. sm11 says:

    No! America uses tropical astrology, which is based on the solstices and doesn’t change based on the wobbling of the earth.

  3. josephus says:

    Can anyone ever guess the sign of a fellow patron or new friend ? No, i don’t think so, it’s always a 1 out of 12 shot .but your a Libra and not prone to ..

Leave a Reply