Top 10 Ways to Attract Male Attention on VDay

  1. Go to Woads and spend the whole time clenching your jaw.
  2. Play musical chairs. The chairs are people and there is only one, him.
  3. Help him with his pset, but only speak in Sim.
  4. Invite him on a romantic ferry ride to Staten Island. Halfway through, turn it around. You can make a scene. He’ll be enchanted with your unbending will.
  5. Find out where his mother lives. Send her a J Crew gift card.
  6. Refer to Bass Cafe as the Baffé — insist all men do the same.
  7. Release a rabbit in the Morse dining hall. Text him for help finding her.
  8. Write a conservative-leaning op ed in the YDN about him.
  9. Attempt to enter the State of Israel with his passport.
  10. Hit him with a Yale shuttle.