Top 9 Myths About The Fence Club
Lately, there’s been a lot of “buzz” around campus about something called “The Fence Club.” Although you won’t catch us on High Street, this much attention may mean we finally have some social capital. In order to take advantage of this newfound relevance, as the “democratically” “elected” “president” of this “fraternity,” I’d like to dispel some of the most common myths about Fence.
1. Everyone in Fence is artsy.
Although most of Fence’s budget still goes towards cigarettes, Willoughby’s coffee, and oversized thrift store jackets, I am happy to announce through our diversity outreach programs, we now have 2.5 econ majors in our membership. Moreover, I own a Canada Goose.
2. Fence has a really hot, really cool fratty dude president.
Small correction: I am a woman. Otherwise — yeah, true.
3. Fence is just like SigEp.
Yes, we play drinking games, yes, we buy kegs, and yes, we religiously check if we’ve been featured on Yale Frat Tinder, but nobody has ever written a YDN article about how bad we are at sex.
4. Fence is trash at pong.
Who the fuck said this? I will personally 1v1 them, anytime, anywhere.
[Ed: Upon further reflection, I admit that this was an aggressive reaction. However, since Fence has no system of checks and balances, I stand by it.]
5. All the men in Fence are softbois who only talk about literature and indie bands.
See above re: diversity outreach programs. We are now 30% fuckbois. Last week I even learned that the “Super Bowl” has nothing to do with 4/20. Some of us are even trading in our Blundstones for Bean Boots. Diversity of opinion is very important to our organization.
6. I don’t know anyone in Fence except my weird Film Studies major suitemate from freshman year.
False. He just got back from his semester abroad in Berlin and has decided that no major can really “define” him. He’s now American Studies. Also you’re forgetting about that girl who always used to cut her own hair in your shared bathroom.
7. Fence is socially relevant.
Despite my best efforts, Fence is not socially relevant. Dean Holloway still texts me every morning to remind me that a frat with women is not a frat.
8. Fence is currently having rush.
Hey guys does anyone have a copy of The Bell Jar I could borrow? Someone must have taken mine at the last underground poetry slam. I want to reread it because I think Sylvia Plath’s critique of the patriarchal restrictions on womanhood and the performance of feminine — ok if you’re still reading, yeah, we have a rush party on Friday but keep it low key.
9. All Fence does is act as a barrier enclosing or bordering a field, yard, etc., usually made of posts and wire or wood, used to prevent entrance, to confine, or to mark a boundary.
We are so much more than that: we also smoke weed.